time to teach them to love their papa?
Nausea rolls through me.
I’m not a good woman.
I’m not.
I shove my fist into my mouth as a sob breaks free while I lay on my bed in the dark.
I remember the stranger.
I remember his promise to help.
Maybe he’s right.
Maybe this isn’t love.
I have to get away.
He’ll take me away from here. Papa’s going to the store tomorrow, and the stranger said he’d be back.
I can go with him. Papa won’t find me. He won’t put me down.
I fall asleep, dreaming of the picture on the stranger’s phone of the girl with her warm smile, her ticket of freedom.
That’s going to be me.
The truck runs smooth since the boys changed the oil. I turn off the dirt road onto a gravel path that will lead to the main road. It’s a hassle going into town. Takes me half a morning to get there, especially if the weather’s been bad. But it’s important. And my own damn fault I’m making a second trip so soon.
I meant to pick up one of those damn tests for Nicolette, but got distracted by the sweet thing behind the checkout counter and forgot all about it. I shouldn’t have been eyeing the young girl, but she had such a pure look about her. An innocent blush bloomed on her cheeks when she caught me staring.
She’s not family, though, so I didn’t talk to her as long as I wanted to. Maybe she’ll be there today and I can witness her angelic smile again. I don’t pretend she’s as innocent as she looks. No woman is. But I know how to fix that, so it doesn’t bother me too much.
If the test comes out the way I’m sure it will, things will be different. The boys will have their wife.
When Madeline swelled with Mark in her belly, my daddy did the hard thing—he handed over her care to me. He watched us for a while, making sure she didn’t start turning like Mama. Mama had done so good for so long, but once Daddy started teaching Madeline what it meant to be a good woman, she raged with jealousy. And Daddy wouldn’t tolerate it.
He spread his love around evenly. He loved me and Madeline the same. He never showed favorites. And I’ve done my best not to show differences between my kids.
The little blonde is sitting on the stool behind the counter when I walk into the store. She looks up from the magazine she’s flipping through and smiles at me.
“Didn’t I just see you yesterday?” She’s teasing me.
“Yeah. Forgot a few things,” I answer lightly. I make my way down the aisles. Might as well grab a few more supplies while I’m here. I can probably avoid coming down the mountain for a few more weeks.
Grabbing a cart, I work my way through the narrow aisles. Small towns like this don’t need one of those monstrous grocery centers. A general store is more than enough. I grab another five pounds of flour, sugar, and cornmeal. Nicolette makes the best cornbread, and it gets us through in scarce times.
The bear I have in the smoke shed needs to finish processing and be canned. She can do that tomorrow. If she’s going to be tied up with canning, she’ll need to get supper in the pot by lunch. I pick up another roast and some carrots and potatoes. She can make stew. I make things so easy for her. It’s why I get so angry when she doesn’t do her chores.
I pass by the clothing section and stop at the dresses. It’s her birthday today. She probably thinks that book I gave her was her only present. It’s good she does. I don’t need her getting spoiled and start acting up like my mama. Always demanding things she didn’t deserve. Good women get good things. Mama ended up not being a good woman.
One dress catches my eye. It’s light blue. I like her in white. It reminds me of her purity and innocence. Gives her something to aspire to. But this dress would be good for her now that she’s going to be a mama. I pick up one that looks a little bigger so her belly can grow in it. She’ll appreciate it. The boys will too. She’ll look sweet in it.
I toss it in the cart and head to the pharmacy section. Just in case, I grab three of the pregnancy tests, wanting to be sure.
Daddy would be so