stopped, Alex held out his hand to help her dismount. Quickly realizing his mistake—he never would have made such an offer to Alfred, and someone could be watching—he pulled it away. They each dismounted on their own.
“The English ears are more delicate.”
“More delicate than. . . ?”
“Their less refined and savage northern neighbors.” He made a face so ridiculous that Clara couldn’t help but grin.
“You look more like a wild boar than you do a savage Scot.”
“And when have you seen a wild boar?”
Alex handed his reins to the groom, and Clara followed him to the main keep. They would likely be visiting with the lord and lady of Brockburg, if she guessed correctly.
“At the Tournament of the King one year, I was hired by an English knight who took part in the earl’s hunt. They were seeking deer, but they found and killed a boar instead. It was quite terrifying.”
“I’d imagine no more terrifying than making your way through the borderlands without an escort.”
He said it so casually, Clara nearly forgot herself and answered truthfully. That she’d lived in terror every day since she’d lost Gilbert. That she’d only felt safe—or somewhat safe—after meeting Toren.
“Just slightly so.”
“I can’t look at you.”
The change in topic took her aback. Entering the large wooden door, Clara hurried to follow Alex up the single flight of stairs leading to the great hall.
“Pardon?”
He stopped and turned. “I can only see the woman now, not the lad. ’Tis not natural to treat you like a squire.”
She shrugged. “But ’tis necessary,” she insisted.
He turned away, and she followed. Would he continue to ask questions? Could she continue to deny him answers? Likely he would press her. As would Toren and Juliette. This was the reason she had never stayed in one place for this long. The reason she would likely be forced to move on once they were back in England.
“If you say so.”
“Oh, thank the heavens!”
The moment they crested the top of the stairs, Juliette rushed toward her, and for a moment Clara thought she would hug her in full view of everyone in the hall. Her friend held back, however, and soon they were surrounded by Toren, Juliette, Reid, and Father Simon. They all spoke so quickly, asking questions one on top of the other. She didn’t know where to turn first.
Clara caught Juliette’s eye, and the two women headed toward the back of the hall.
“Where did you go?” Juliette whispered.
Clara glanced back at the cluster of men near the stairs. She could hear Alex’s voice, likely explaining what had happened. Or some of what had happened.
“He knows,” Clara said simply.
Juliette frowned. “Toren told me. But how did he—”
“He followed me out to the river.” Clara felt her cheeks grow warm. “I needed to bathe.”
“Oh.”
She couldn’t look into the other woman’s eyes. Clara was afraid Juliette would somehow detect her newest secret. Though she should be mortified, Clara was not sorry Alex had discovered the truth. . . nor was she disturbed by how he’d discovered it.
“But why did you leave?”
“I was afraid he would continue to ask questions.”
She looked back at the others again. Toren shook his head, and when they all turned her way, Clara guessed Alex had told them about their upcoming trip.
“And I’m leaving again,” Clara said softly. She rushed to explain when she saw Lady Juliette’s stricken expression. “Alex is going to find his mother. He did not wish to take me with him, but he relented.”
“But—”
“I feel more comfortable moving around. Please understand, you’ve been nothing but kind to me here. And I do hope to come back, but. . .”
“But?”
Clara really did want to be as honest as possible.
“I’m just not sure that I can.”
She glanced back at Alex again, curious to see how his news had been received.
“Oh my,” Juliette exclaimed.
“What is it?”
Juliette raised her brows. “’Tis nothing really. Just. . .” She lowered her voice. “If you ever tire of the ruse and decide to settle down, I would be extremely happy to count you as a member of the family.”
Clara’s head whipped back to Juliette’s face. “A member of. . .” Did she mean? Oh dear, she did. And what made it even worse, the impossible thought had flitted through her mind as well. . . and she liked it.
But Juliette did not know what Clara did.
She could never marry, as that would mean revealing herself. Unless she wanted to meet the same fate as her father, that could never, ever happen.
10
T
wo days after