man would have no choice, his life would be one of lassitude and moral indifference. He would not do good because he chose to do good, but because he had no choice but to do good. Goodness would have no meaning. Satan causes Man to choose between good and evil and, yes, it is disagreeable to have evil in the world, but without evil, God has no meaning.
“As a great writer once said, ‘Even the existence of the Devil, is filled with the presence of God.’ Think about that. Why do you hate evil? To hate something implies that you fear it. Reject evil. Turn away from evil. But do not fear it. For if God created this universe, then did he not also create evil? And if God created evil, surely it must have been a part of his plan. Satan is God’s child, the same as you are, and you can no more hate him than you can hate your own shadow. Thank you for your time.”
There was silence in the courtroom for a moment, broken only by the sound of Nero’s voluminous toga rustling as he strode back to the defendant’s table and took his seat. A moment passed, and then, finally, Judge Cody Gold cleared his throat.
“That was the biggest load of liberal horseshit I have ever heard. What was that? Deep thoughts from your diary? I think he’s guilty. Prosecution, want to rebut?”
“Thank you, your honor,” Eddie Horton said.
He stood up and turned to the jury.
“They wouldn’t call it ‘Satanic Ritual Abuse’ if Satan wasn’t responsible. The prosecution rests.”
“See?” Judge Gold said. “Definitely guilty. Jury, what do you guys think?”
The jury foreman stood up.
“We could deliberate for a while to build suspense, but he’s going to be found guilty by a jury of his peers. You heard it here first.”
“So why drag it out? He’s Satan. He’s evil. He’s going down,” Judge Cody Gold said.
He banged his gavel.
“But, your honor,” the jury foreman said. “If there are any nude photographs of the plaintiff we would be very interested in studying them.”
“Are there any nudes?” Judge Cody Gold asked Eddie Horton. “I want copies if there are.”
“No, your honor,” Eddie Horton said. “The plaintiff regrets to inform you that there are no nudes she is willing to release at this time. She has signed a contract with Harper Collins and all her nude photographs are their property to use in her upcoming tell-all memoir.”
“Okay, so he’s guilty. Let’s string him up or something,” Judge Gold said.
“What about due process of the law?” Nero shouted.
“It’s always something with you, isn’t it,” Judge Gold said. “You’re as bad as my ex-wife. Always whining. You know what? Just for that I award the plaintiff twice her original claim. The judgment is now four hundred million dollars.”
“Your honor - “ Nero started.
“Again with the whining,” Judge Gold said. “Just for that, I’m going to make this an appeal by permission case. Which means any higher court can decide for no good reason not to hear your appeal. Ever. And I bet they won’t.”
“You’ve — you’ve screwed us!” Nero burst out.
“Screwed you?” Judge Gold roared. “ Bailiff, tase that lawyer. This isn’t screwing, this is justice! Now, where’s my press conference?”
Michael stood across the room from his Maker, the Architect of all Creation. When he had arrived, the Creator was in the form of half a million ergs of radiant energy, but he assumed a humanoid shape so as to better converse with his most favored angel.
“We’re having problems with Satan, O Heavenly Father,” Michael said.
“That’s why he’s there,” God said. “To cause problems.”
“Yes, Lord.”
“Is that all? Did I tell you I’ve decided to twist Creation into an infinite loop?”
“No, Lord.”
“Have you ever existed and not existed at the same time? It is quite an experience!”
“No, Lord.” Michael tried another tack. “Heavenly Father, Satan has caused more problems than even you may know.”
“I am the maker of Heaven and Earth. I know everything.”
“Yes, my Lord. So you know about his son?”
“His what?”
“He placed his son inside a nun,” Michael said. “A Poor Clare, I believe.”
“No,” God gasped.
“My Lord, it gets worse. In a sick attempt to mock the sacrifice of your son, Satan sent his only child to the physical plane and then he killed him, as you did your child. Only, you sacrificed your son for the salvation of all mankind. He killed his son merely to taunt you.”
“He wouldn’t...”
“He has.”
God closed his eyes for a moment and when he