The Saddest Song - By Susie Kaye Lopez Page 0,14

was barely able to muster a reply now.

Seeing their expectant, hopeful faces I did not have the heart to hurt either of them. “Thank you for helping my mom, Cait. You are so sweet, I love it all.”

“Look at this Rainey, how cute are these dresses?” Mom held up four more dresses and I was thinking how I had never gotten this many items at once in my entire life. I guess this was the only way my mom thought she could cheer me up. Caitlynn held up two pairs of jeans and a backpack before the show was over. “I couldn’t have done any of this without Caitlynn , she was amazing. She knows everything you like and all of your sizes. If you need to return any of it just put it back in the bag and I will take it back for you.”

“Thank you,” I said, meaning it. Mom came over and kissed me and smiled a self satisfied smile. I could tell she felt better taking charge of something. She always needed to fix people and I was pretty stubborn about being fixed.

“Rainey, do you want to be alone or can I stay for awhile?”Caitlyn asked thoughtfully.

“Stay. Please. I’ve missed you,” I said, trying to sound sincere. She had a skeptical look on her face but she sat down on the bed and my mom waved as she left us to talk.

“Do you really like it all or are you just humoring your mom?”

“No, I love it. I just feel weird wearing clothes that Garrett will never see me in. I know that sounds crazy, but he was with you and I when I bought nearly all my clothes and I don’t want to wear new things.”

“Garrett would love all of these on you and you know it. He would not be happy to see you so sad. Live for him and be happy for him if you can’t do it for yourself.”

“I will try, but it is so hard Cait.”

“The way I see it is that none of us has any choice. Garrett is gone and he will be missed more than anything, but school starts in a week and we have to be there. There’s nothing wrong with looking good while you miss him. Looking sad and gaunt won’t bring him back. What it will do is make you a target for gossip and you know how you’d hate that. You need to eat and you need to act normal. Maybe if you act normal then one day you might feel normal again.”

“Cait, you are always so practical. Max is looking scary skinny too, so we must look like a couple of freaks to other people. That is the last thing we need, having people talking about us behind our backs. I never even thought about that.”

Caitlynn nodded thoughtfully as she watched her words sink in, and I bit my lip as I considered the steps I could take to remedy this fact.

“I have a quesadilla downstairs, want to share it?” She smiled with a nod again, looking happy with herself for talking some sense into me. I smiled because I was happy I still had her.

Max

School was only two days away and I sensed Rainey’s growing anxiety as it approached. Trying to distract her and myself, I decided to see if she would like to spend the day at the beach. A large group of us had begun the summer going at least a couple of days a week, but since the accident we had stayed indoors like vampires hiding from the sun. Mom told me she would fix us a picnic and I sat at the kitchen table and watched her fill the cooler with enough food for a dozen people.

When I pulled the truck into her driveway Rainey was already outside waiting. She was wearing a bright yellow sundress and had a huge wicker beach bag on her shoulder.

“Hey Rainey,” I said as she climbed into the truck.

“Hey! This was a great idea. A day at the beach sounds like fun. It’s a perfect day for it.” Her voice sounded a little too cheery, and I could tell she was trying too hard.

“Rainey, we live in San Diego. Every day is perfect for the beach. It’s okay not to be excited about it.”

She laughed. “Max you know me way to well. I almost cancelled ten times.”

“I figured. But it will be a good thing. We need a change of scenery, don’t