you wanted to get serious and we already had it planned and..."
I trace my index finger around the lip of the glass. "So, you used me."
"Junie, if I could take it back, I would."
"I didn't know he was seeing you either, love, until after Maggie ousted us at the Bean," Geoff adds, crossing his arms over his chest. "I'm sorry, too, if that's any consolation."
"It's not your fault." I shake my head. "And you can't give me back my virginity, either."
All color drains from Cas's face.
"You were her first?" Geoff whips around to Cas, his shoulders clenching like a feral cat. "You had—you two—you never said you had sex with her!"
But it's like Cas doesn't even hear him. He stares at me in a mixture of disbelief and self-disgust. He puts a hand to his mouth, shaking his head.
Geoff slams his fist into the counter. "You didn't tell me that! And her first?"
"I—I didn't know," my ex-boyfriend mutters into his hand. When Geoff begins to shake his head Caspian adds in a voice that's so sincere it cracks, "You're everything to me, Geoff. I'm so, so sorry."
Cas has this expression, like a wet puppy in the rain, that makes me sort of cave. Caspian really didn't know that I was a virgin. For all I know, he was, too. Or maybe he wasn't—the point is, we never talked about it.
Geoff scrubs the back of his head. "Cas, this is too Springer for me. These sorrys taste like shit—"
"I forgive him," I interrupt.
I want to be angry with him, but I must've misplaced my anger somewhere. Or maybe I'm just too tired of being angry to care. Perhaps, that's worse. Caspian is a dick, yeah. He pushed people into lockers and he called people Camel-toes and Humpbacks behind their backs, and he dragged me along for six months as we pretended to be attracted to the people we made up in our heads, but people can change, right? Isn't that what Roman swore?
"I'll forgive him," I repeat.
Geoff stares at me like I've grown two heads. "Really? Really?"
"Really?" Cas echoes, just as perplexed.
"Yeah, really. I can't blame you, it takes two to tango and I really...I should've said no, anyway. I didn't want to that night, but I thought you did."
"And I thought you did."
"And still, everyone forgot to tell me they were fucking!" Geoff throws up his hands. "You know, Cas, I was fine with being your secret as long as you loved me, but I can't. Not after this. Either you love me and come clean to everyone, or we're done."
Cas begins to shake his head. "No, Geoff—"
Geoff slams his hand down on the countertop, his voice so loud it cracks. "Get the hell out of my bar!"
He tries to argue again, but Geoff vibrates with so much anger all Cas can do is retreat.
I watch him go, helpless, but when he's gone I place a hand on Geoff's shoulder. "I'm sorry," I whisper.
"It's not your fault, boss." He hangs his head, and his muscles unwind until he wilts. "The course of true love never did run smooth."
"It just runs away," I agree, and rub comforting circles on his back as he sinks to the counter and buries his head into his arms.
Tuesday
Chapter Thirty-Three
The Black Sheep were new-metal indie rock. And terrible at that. They screamed the entire time, and the guitarist fell off the stage drunk before the end of the set. What's worse, instead of drawing a crowd, they repelled people like the Black Plague. That should've been their band name.
I still have a headache from that stupid band when I wake up in the morning. Sleeping only made it worse. That, and the paranoia setting in. A paparazzo got a shot of me changing into my PJs last night and thirty minutes later, it was viral on every Roman Holiday forum on the net. The most constructive criticism I got was "Slut nds 2 wrkout."
Welcome to Junie's Hell.
Chuck has to drive me to the Lining again. Second day on the floorboards and it's getting old.
Twisting my hair up into a sloppy bun, I tell Geoff, "I'm taking ten before we open. Didn't get a chance to eat dinner."
"Sure thing boss." He salutes. There are dark circles under his eyes where he didn't get much sleep. He managed to keep himself together during hours last night, but he ducked out the moment we closed. I think he's still in the clothes he wore yesterday. "We getting any deliveries