one eyebrow and make the rest of the world feel infinitely stupider. "Or I can escort you back to your cell."
Maggie turns to me with a definitive nod. "You know, I'm feeling totes homesick. You?"
"Totes," I agree.
We grab our bags, and they take us out the back. Officer Nesky is kind enough to drive us back to Maggie's car on his patrol so we bypass the media vans setting up out front. Through the rearview mirror, I watch as Roman's father greets Nick Lively with a handshake—and then promptly scares him back into his van.
By the time Nesky drops us off by Maggie's car with the warning that, come morning if we're still around we're more or less under arrest again.
"Didn't even get to lay out..." Maggie mutters, pulling onto the road, our esteemed officer following close behind. "Eh, I'd get all ashy, anyway."
I pick up the tabloid I'd tossed down into the floorboards earlier today and leaf to the article about me. I can't even remember what I thought was going to happen five hours ago—that he'd ask me to come along? That he would forgive me for something I had no control over in the first place? That somehow, in this odd, strange mess of a circumstance, he could realize how we deserved each other?
Which, I now realize, was a stupid idea.
"I mean, he totes can't follow us all the way back to the condo, right? He wouldn't, would he? I mean, I might gotta take a poo when we get back to the condo, and you still have to pack..."
I nod absently, scanning through the article. It's my name, over and over. Junie Baltimore. Junie Baltimore. Junie Baltimore.
Maybe John should've gotten the memo that Junie Baltimore doesn't exist anymore. It's Junie Conway—if I would've been born a month sooner, it could still be Baltimore, but I was still seventeen when Mom and Chuckles wed.
"...And then a big green penis came out of the sky and K.O.-ed everyone."
Startled, I glance up from the article. "Excuse me?"
"You weren't even listening!" Maggie accuses with a pout.
"I was!" I argue, but she rolls her eyes and I give in. "Okay, I really wasn't."
"You totes gave that garbage more attention than me. I'm hurt. Genuinely."
I clasp the tabloid to my chest. "You lie!" I gasp, trying to be funny, but when she frowns and doesn't reply with her usually witty comebacks, I drop the tabloid back to the floorboards. "What's wrong?"
"I feel like a total skank, bb, following John around for a whole year while the bastard went on this massive manhunt for RoMo...and I actually enjoyed it." She shivers. The cars on the interstate rush by in a blur. "Just so you know, like, I totes would've never done something like that. You know, if I was a pap. I wouldn't have..."
I put a comforting hand on Maggie's shoulder. "I know. You would've made up something better."
"Damn, yeah, I would—I mean, me? A pap? C'mon, bb, we all know I got better tastes than The Juice."
"Start your own magazine. Call it The Red Rag."
She makes a face. "Ew, totes gross. I'd call it something classy, like Incognito or something."
"Sounds ominous."
"That's the plan—if you end up in Incognito, then you totes did something super stupendous. Or super stupid."
My attention drifts down to the tabloid at my feet again. I wonder how often people think they are doing stupendous things that are stupid...or stupid things that turn out stupendous.
When we reach the condo, Officer Nesky—who has been trialing us the entire time—pulls up behind us in the loading zone to wait while I pack my things. Halfway back, I began to devise a plan on how to break the news to Mom and Chuck, hoping that they haven't seen the news. If they have? I might as well go ahead and ground myself. As we pass the breezeway on the way up, Chuck materializes out of the elevator. I must jump three feet out of my skin.
"OhmyGod!" I slam a hand on my haywire heart. "You scared the shit out of me."
He puts a hand on my shoulder, his face unreadable. "Junie," he says in his best fatherly tone. My shoulders wilt. Oh no, he's seen the news. "We need to talk."
I hope for help from my best gal pal, but Maggie points upstairs and slips into the elevator without me with an apologetic smile. Remind me never to rely on her for help ever again.
"I really don't want to..."
"Junie."
What I want to