I don’t want to be comfortable in his arms. I don’t want to drop my guard even though my mind and body is telling me I’m safe. I’ve done that once before, and it didn’t work out very well for me.
Never again, I repeat over and over in my head. It’s the same mantra that got me through so many bad days after Jeremy was sent to prison.
“I thought I had time.” My thoughts escape my lips before I can stop them.
“Time for what?” The rumble of his voice under my head is soothing, but I manage to keep my fingers from flexing against his shirt. Lying on him is one thing, clinging to him is a whole other.
“To leave New Mexico. I thought I had five more years.” I huff a humorless laugh. “Who would’ve thought the man who couldn’t go a week without hitting me in the face could live peacefully for five years behind stone walls and razor wire.”
“Did you visit him while he was inside?”
“Not once. I didn’t go to his trial or sentencing. I only found out about his conviction because it was written up in the paper. He mailed letters constantly, and he was so angry. I know they read mail going in and out, so he didn’t outwardly threaten me, but he used the same language he’d use when he was unhappy while we were out in public. Things like I’m disappointed in you or I’m sad that you aren’t visiting carried just as much threat as if he’d yelled or cussed. I knew what was coming. I just thought I had more time.”
I know I’m repeating myself, but I can’t help it.
“If only I’d left years ago.”
“A man like him would’ve tracked you down. What happened tonight was inevitable. I’ve seen it too many times in my line of work to even pretend things could’ve been different.”
“Yeah,” I agree. “Maybe you’re right. I’m the idiot who should’ve run when he first showed up, but he was so nice. It had been a long time since I’d seen him clean and sober. When the apologies came after the beatings, he always blamed the alcohol or a bad batch of dope for his actions. When he was sober and hurt me, it was his dad’s fault. He grew up watching his dad beat his mom, and he swore he’d never be that man, but then I’d burn dinner, or one of the cans in the pantry wasn’t facing the right way, or he found a hair on the floor of the shower, and he flipped like a switch. I can’t count how many times he hit me all while telling me I was just like his mother.”
His hand flattens against my back as his t-shirt grows damp under my face.
“You never mentioned any of this before.”
“We didn’t—don’t—have that sort of whatever this is. You don’t have to feel obligated to stick around. I’ll be fine here alone.”
“I’m not leaving you.”
“Because I’m pregnant?” I close my eyes, ready to accept being his obligation.
“Because no woman deserves to go through what you went through tonight. Because you shouldn’t be alone.” He presses his lips to the top of my head. “I’ll leave the room if you really want me to, but know I’ll be standing out in the hall until you’re ready for company again.”
I sigh, knowing he’s telling me the truth. He wouldn’t leave. It’s just the class of man he is, and one of the main reasons I went to the clubhouse tonight rather than calling the police. He’s a man of his word, and according to gossip around town, all of them are.
“You’ve got to be exhausted,” I murmur, my own eyes feeling like they weigh a ton each.
“I’ll go to sleep when you do,” he whispers, his hand once again beginning to track up and down my back.
“Thank you for being here,” I whisper as my tender face begins to grow slack.
I can’t fight sleep any longer, no matter how bad the nightmares will be.
“I’ll be here when you wake up,” he vows. “I promise everything is going to be just fine. You’re safe, angel. Just rest.”
My lips tilt in a small smile at the endearment before silence fills my ears.
Chapter 5
Rocker
How have I missed out on this?
How have I been with this girl more than a handful of times, and I never took the chance to just hold her against my chest?