Rocked (The Everyday Heroes World) - Julia Wolf Page 0,95
always talked about this being us. Four kids, one on each of our knees. They’d have her brown skin, my hazel eyes. An equal mix of boys and girls. Our family was going to be a fucking Sears catalog, all pretty and perfect. But life wasn’t perfect, and I sure as hell never measured up.
My eyes met Mickey’s. Mine were damp. Hers shined. We weren’t friends anymore, but we also weren’t enemies. I didn’t know if she’d forgiven me, and I’d never ask her to. Sitting here, holding her child, felt like we’d come full circle. We didn’t end up where we thought we’d be when we’d planned out our lives, but that didn’t mean where we’d landed wasn’t the right place.
“Nice, right?” Mickey asked.
I sniffed the top of Simone’s head. “The best, to be honest.”
She crossed her arms over her stomach. “So...real talk. I don’t know Kat, but I know if I had feelings for a man, deep feelings, and he offered to see me every couple months, I’d probably tell him to get fucked. So Kat’s a better woman than me.”
“I don’t think she has deep feelings.”
“Do you have deep feelings?” she asked.
“I do. I love her.”
“And her daughter?”
I nodded. “I love her too.”
She covered her mouth, hiding a gasp. “Devon…”
“I know.” I dipped my nose into Simone’s soft hair. “I know. Tell me what the hell to do, Mic. I’m all out of clues.”
She took a deep breath, studying me. Simone rattled her keys and squirmed around before settling back against my chest. I laid my hand on her round belly, so soft and warm and perfect. Who knew holding a baby could be the ultimate antidote for all the woes in the world?
Not really, but it was a mighty fine Band-Aid.
“I guess you have to figure out what you want. Were you happy there?” she asked.
“Not every second, but most of my unhappiness came from thinking about leaving.” I jiggled Simone on my knee. “Is it crazy that I liked living in a small town?”
“Why would that be crazy?”
“It’s not what I know. No one gives a shit that I’m famous there. I can go get pancakes, read the paper, and maybe I’ll get a nod.”
Mickey grimaced. “Ego-killer.”
“Yeah, but my ego needed to be killed. It’s...it’s good. I’m not saying I don’t want to be famous anymore, but I liked having a place where it didn’t matter, you know? My career is still important to me, but I’m thinking it doesn’t have to look the same way it did a decade ago.”
She studied me like she’d never seen me before. “You’ve changed.”
“About time, right?”
“Yeah, but I wasn’t sure you were capable.”
I shifted Simone in my lap. “Had a couple wake-up calls along the way. My eyes were opened, and I didn’t much like what I saw.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I thought you were supposed to be helping me.”
She snorted. “Listen, I barely got my act together before Simone was born. I am not the person to come to for advice. Most of the time, I’m still a hot mess.”
“But you know me better than anyone else.”
She shook her head. “I used to know you better than anyone else. I think someone else does now.”
A groan rumbled through my chest, and Simone frowned up at me. I smoothed a hand down the side of her head. “Sorry, baby. I’m frustrated.”
She laughed once, then frowned again. Yeah, I got it.
“Your baby’s judging me,” I said.
Mickey rolled her eyes at me. “She should. You walked away from a really cool woman after offering her table scraps. I mean, come on, Dev. You clearly wanted more. Why offer so much less?”
I knew. Deep down, I knew why. Michaela probably knew why too, but she wanted me to say it. Fuck.
“I’m not good enough to ask for her time. I don’t deserve it.”
She leaned her head on her fist, leveling me with a direct stare. “A couple years ago, I would have agreed with you. But a couple years ago, you were still mucking around, navel-gazing, basically wasting your life and talents. I know you’re capable of being better, you just never believed it or didn’t care to try.”
“You’re right.” She was right about it all.
“Tell me something. Are you going to cheat on Kat?”
My heart scraped against my ribs at the idea. “No. It’s not a possibility.”
“Even when you’re on the road with nowhere to stick your dick but groupies?”
I covered the baby’s ears. “Are you allowed to talk