Rocked (The Everyday Heroes World) - Julia Wolf Page 0,94
was before. I don’t think you want to hear my truth.
Me: You miss me?
Kat: Talking to you makes me hurt.
What kind of man would I have been if I kept pressing her? Kat was the last person I’d ever intentionally hurt. If talking to me caused her pain, then fuck, I guess I’d have to leave her alone.
I wanted to yell into the night sky. It didn’t have to be this way. There was room on that door for both of us damn it, so why was I the one sinking into the bitter cold water, drowning all alone?
My mind was on the other side of the country as I got in line for my dose of caffeine. I was so out of it, I almost missed Michaela standing right in front of me, but a gurgling squeal of a giggle drew my attention to her.
“Mickey?”
She turned, eyes wide. Attached to her chest was a curly-haired baby who gave me the widest gummy smile, complete with drool bubbles and kicking feet.
“Devon? You’re back?”
“Yeah, I’m back.”
She patted her baby’s bottom and searched my face. “You don’t seem happy about that.”
“I’m not in a great place.”
Her sigh was heavy, her nose wrinkled. “Fine. If you pay for my coffee, I’ll listen to your woes.”
“Do I get to hold the baby?”
She poked my chest. “Don’t count on it.”
We found a couple cushioned chairs near the back. Mickey took the baby out of her carrier and held her in her lap. Simone chewed on squishy-looking plastic keys and flailed around a little. The kid looked happy and loved, and so did Mickey. That’s all I ever wanted for her.
“Did you screw up?” she asked. Guess we weren’t doing small talk today.
I blew out a long breath. “I was always leaving, you know? Never counted on meeting anyone.”
“A mom, Devon. Kat’s not one of your usuals.” She cocked her head, eyes appraising. “She seemed to care for you. She certainly seemed protective of you.”
“Did she?” I shook my head. “Nah, I never noticed.”
“Oh, please. The woman was nice as could be, but she also threw a few eye-daggers at me when I brought up how shitty you used to be. And she whisked you out of there as fast as she could. Why am I not surprised you didn’t notice?”
I took a sip of my coffee, peering at Mickey and Simone over the mug. “I did notice you said ‘used to be.’ Am I not shitty now?”
She kissed Simone’s downy curls. “I think you’re at least trying not to be.”
“Trying. Not really succeeding. If I was, I’d have Kat with me.”
She blinked, her brow creasing. “How would that work? Isn’t her daughter in school? Doesn't she have a dad?”
I held my hand out. “Don’t know. I just know I want to be with her. With them.”
Mickey shifted in her chair, facing me. “Tell me what you said. Did you tell her that?”
“Look, I’m not stupid. I know she can’t pick up and move her life for me. She was wary of getting in too deep with me at all. Her daughter is her top priority, and I understand that. So I told her I’d come see her when I was free, and she could meet me on tour when we were out west. It’s not what I want, not nearly enough, but I don’t know how to put into words what I want without scaring her.”
Mickey winced. She’d never been able to hide her feelings. They were always written all over her face. Right now, I disgusted her. But I’d seen that look on her face quite often over the years.
“What was her response?”
“She told me no.”
Simone arched her back in Mickey’s lap, letting out a little rebel yell. I held my arms out. “Give her to me. My chest has been hollowed out with an ice cream scooper. I want to hold my almost-baby.”
Mickey narrowed her eyes. “Only if you never call her that again.”
“Fine. Give me the gorgeous, beautiful, genius baby who is a product of your and Moses Aronson’s loins.”
She snorted. “I don’t know, that actually might be worse.” Still, she gave me the baby.
I held her snug in my lap, facing her mama. She tipped her head back to see who had her and didn’t seem to mind it was me. I didn’t mind holding her, not even a little. It was kind of surreal, knowing she was Mickey’s kid. Back in the day, when we were young and idealistic, we’d