out.
“She didn’t say,” Quinn answered. “Apparently he’s been questioning everyone, trying to get information on your whereabouts. And most of those interrogated haven’t been seen after. When I thought about it I knew I shouldn’t tell you. I didn’t want you to feel like it was your fault.”
“It is my fault,” I said. “Don’t you see that? I escaped. I had knowledge of the tunnels, and I left the City. It is my fault.”
I stood. Beatrice tried to grab my arm, but I pulled away.
“You couldn’t have known,” she said. “You did the best you could. There are nine girls who are here, safe, because you helped them. They’re not in the Schools anymore. You brought me, didn’t you? Where would I be now?”
Ruby watched me, her eyes red. “You didn’t know this would happen,” she said. Even those words, that reprieve from her, couldn’t calm me. Until I was back there, in my father’s custody, others would be captured, tortured, detained indefinitely. Until I was executed, others would be executed in my place.
“There’s nothing you can do,” Clara said. She pushed back, away from the table. “Don’t blame yourself, Eve. You were working with Moss—you tried.”
But the mention of Moss just brought me back to the day I’d left. His body in the elevator. How the bullet had ripped through his back. “I just need this day to end,” I said, starting toward the stairs. “I can’t think anymore.”
Quinn stood, trying to get in front of me, but I sidestepped her. “Eve—I’m sorry. You see now why I didn’t want to tell you?”
“No—I’m glad you did,” I said, watching them as I started up the stairs. “I needed to know.” When I got to the top landing I maneuvered through the hallways in silence. Light came in through the windows, dimmed by the plants that grew over the houseboat’s roof. I counted the doors as I went, finally turning in to the room Ruby, Clara, and I shared.
I curled up on the mattress. The cabin was so dark I could hardly see two inches in front of me. I rested my hand on my chest, trying to slow my heart. I thought of Arden now, of what she must’ve felt when she was in hiding with Ruby and Pip, listening to word of the siege. Of course she had wanted to go. How could I stay here, waiting for word that the fighting had ended? Was I supposed to just hope that somehow my father would be stopped?
It was a long while before Ruby and Clara came to bed. I shut my eyes, pretending to be asleep.
“She needed the rest,” Clara whispered. I heard the give of the mattress as she lay down in the bed above me. Ruby settled in, too, turning onto her side, readjusting several times until she was comfortable. An hour passed, maybe two. When I was certain they wouldn’t wake, I stood, turning out into the hall.
I walked down the corridor, past the wide living area, where a few of the girls slept on the couches. A set of sliding doors let out onto the houseboat’s worn deck. Outside, the moon had disappeared behind a thick layer of fog. The cold air felt good on my skin. I climbed down the side ladder and took off down the dock, carefully stepping around the broken boards.
I just needed to be out, to be moving—to feel I was going somewhere. I started through the trees, moving quickly over gnarled roots and rocks. Most of the houses were dark. Up ahead, beyond a few high bushes, I could just make out a figure. I was about to turn, winding back down the path, when she spotted me.
“Eve—what are you doing out here?” Maeve asked. “What’s wrong?”
I glanced down the trail, realizing I’d nearly made it to her house. She was standing at the base of a massive oak tree. It took me a moment, my eyes adjusting to the light, to realize she was holding Lilac’s doll.
“I just needed air,” I said. “I couldn’t sleep.”
“I suppose Quinn’s house has taken some getting used to,” she said. There was the hint of a suggestion in it—why hadn’t I returned to that room beside hers? Why had I been so cold to her when I first arrived? I could see, even now, she wanted to know.
“Quinn’s house has been great,” I said. “The girls are happy there. I just couldn’t sleep, that’s all. And you?”
She held up the doll.