always love and miss both of you. I will never let Kevin go a single day without remembering you, I vow to my brother and his husband silently. Staining the muscles of an already aching heart, I whisper, “I promise.”
Hearing the rhythmic waves of the glacier water, I squat down and reach out to put my hand into the heart of the frigidity, realizing this is all that’s left over from the cause and effect of others. I shudder inside when I whisper, “Kind of like what’s left of me,” I whisper, pushing myself up.
Slowly, I walk back to the parking lot knowing by the time I get back to Maris’s, she’ll be frantic wondering what happened during my meeting with Jennings. And then I have to figure out the best way to talk with my son without causing any more damage to an already devastated heart.
“Seriously?” Maris yells as she slams the kitchen cabinet, turning to face me with a stack of bowls in her hands. She’s in the process of preparing a hearty lunch of stew and freshly baked biscuits which I’m just in time for since I called to let her know I would be home on my way back from Mendenhall.
“I’ll ask you to keep your voice down. I prefer to have a discussion with Kevin, not have him find out by overhearing us.” My voice is low but firm. I may not be the most outgoing woman, but prod me even just a little about my son and I’ll turn as ferocious as a Kodiak bear seeking food after hibernation.
Maris sets the bowls down carefully. “I’ll apologize, but really? Jed’s barely in the ground and Jennings wants to become Mr. Dad? Now?” Her voice ends on a crack.
I glare at her even as I shift to comfort her. Before I can do either, she holds up her hands in surrender. “Sorry, sorry. But is this something you want to do?”
Leaning forward on the polished wood waterfall counter, I brace my elbows on it as my forehead falls into my hands. “Not particularly, no. But I don’t think I have much choice.” Softly, I finish giving Maris a quick recap of my conversation with Jennings at Jed’s gravesite. I don’t blame her for her outburst when Jennings using the term “legal course of action.” It was what I felt like doing at the time as well.
“I’ll never understand why Jed thought this was a good idea. You’re all Kevin needs,” she vows loyally.
My simmering anger reduces and immediately smooths out. “It’s what Jed wanted,” I remind her.
“And he’s gone. Jed shouldn’t get to dictate how you and your son live your life. You’ve done damn well without Jennings in it.” Maris spins around to grab the stew off the stove.
“Jed believed his knowing would make a difference to all of us,” I remind her. And why I’m defending her brother’s arguments used on me, I have no idea.
“Jed’s been wrong before,” she snaps. My heart grows heavy, because I know what she’s referring to. Unfortunately, Nick has never seen her as more than “Jed’s little sister.” And Maris has paid the price for that for years by loving a man who has never seen her and having a ringside seat as he roams the world with a new woman.
But— “Is it Jennings you have the issue with, Maris, or is it me?” I ask quietly.
That brings her up short, still holding the soup pot. “What do you mean?” she asks carefully.
“This anger is something completely different. I never noticed it before during our calls. What is it?”
She hesitates a moment too long before opening her mouth.
I slam my hand down on the sleek wood, causing a pain that has nothing to do with the one beginning to burn in my heart to shoot up my arm. “Tell me,” I demand.
“Maybe if you weren’t so stubborn, Jed wouldn’t have felt the need to be tied to you, to Florida. I know he missed home. He told me so when we talked. If it weren’t for you, maybe my brother would still be alive! Why wouldn’t you listen? Now, he’s dead and you’re here.”
“And if you believed that, why didn’t you open your damn mouth? You knew twelve years before your brother did. Why am I just being persecuted for decisions you supposedly supported me about?” Cocking a hip, I mimic her huskier voice. “‘I’m so proud of you, Kara, for doing this on your own.’ You kept