deep down I already know to be true. The truths that I swear led her to take her life because she couldn’t live with the demons they brought.
“I’m trying to preserve as much of her memory as possible for Lucy. Little stories her mom might have written about. Dates to remember so I can make a baby book Lucy can look at when she’s older. Little things,” I lie, knowing that my reading through the journals this time around is solely for me. The need to know what happened and how my uncle James plays into it the paramount reason.
Priscilla looks at the stacked boxes for a second before the TV in her periphery catches her attention.
“Oh, a classic. I love a good classic.” She falls silent as Audrey Hepburn owns the screen in Breakfast at Tiffany’s.
“I do too,” I murmur, thinking of the one constant I’ve always had in my life—the old classic movies my mom used to snuggle up on the couch and watch with us. My source of calm and normalcy. We watch for a few seconds before Priscilla’s attention turns back to me. “Yes?”
“You’ve made a lovely place for Lucy here, and it’s obvious she loves you dearly.”
“But . . .”
“But your financial status is concerning.”
I laugh, but it doesn’t hold any humor. “My financial status?” I try to keep my voice calm as frustration and anger bubble up inside me. “My financial status is stressed because I paid for treatments for my sister. Lucy’s father sure as hell wasn’t concerned about Samantha’s well-being. His next high was more important than getting her sober and healthy for Lucy. Psychiatrists and expensive medications to combat the pull of the opioids, and then there was special schooling for Lucy and treatments. That’s where my debt has come from and—”
“And it’s clear that you’re slowly paying it down, but your debt-to-income ratio is so high. What’s going to happen when you take this special-needs child in who’s going to require additional costly services and appointments?”
“What’s going to happen? I’m going to love her. I’m going to do anything and everything in my power to give her the best life possible. I’m going to treat her like she’s mine and never let her forget her mother or that her mother loved her with all of her heart. That’s what’s going to happen,” I grit out, exasperated by this never-ending bureaucratic red tape.
“I know you’re frustrated—”
“You don’t know the half of it, Priscilla.” My patience is waning and my irritation is mounting. “How is good ol’ Brian?” I ask of Lucy’s father. “How’s his credit rating and debt ratio? It can’t be too great when he’s spending every dime on drugs. Beg, borrow, and steal always seemed to be his motto.”
“You know I can’t discuss other guardians with you . . . but he is Lucy’s father.”
“And my sister said she wanted me to take care of Lucy!” I shout, patience now gone. “She wanted me to. Not her father, because she knew how unstable and uncommitted he was to being a parent.”
“Your sister wrote her wishes for you to be Lucy’s guardian in her suicide note,” Priscilla says, her voice softening with a compassion I swear she doesn’t have. “Her state of mind at the time of writing the note is in question. It wouldn’t be prudent of us to take her words at face value when she was obviously not in her right mind.”
I press my fingers to my eyes and stupidly hope the action will combat the tears I’m fighting. She gives me a moment to collect myself before I look back up to her.
“Brian doesn’t want Lucy. He never has cared about her before, and now all of a sudden he cares? Does he know what classes she takes and what teachers and therapists help with which subjects and skills? Does he know her medications and her doctors? No. I’m the responsible one. I’m the one busting my ass day in and day out to pay off the debt I incurred trying to take care of my sister. I’m the one who loves Lucy unconditionally and will provide her with the best life she can have. Not him.” My voice breaks, and I don’t care because I’m exhausted and worried that this all might be for nothing.
“I know, dear. I know you love her, and I’m sorry for the loss of your sister, but there is a protocol. I’m required to follow it, document everything, and in