Teddy watched her nervously, afraid that the news would cause her pain. But an instant later her eyes danced and her face was radiant. “Oh, Linda!” She threw her arms around her friend, and then around Teddy, and clapped her hands with glee.
The next day Vanessa went out and bought the baby an enormous teddy bear, and for the next five months she bought things for the baby in a never-ending stream, pandas, giraffes, silver rattles, hand-made quilts, tiny nightgowns made of old lace, little caps, and she even knit a pair of booties. Linda and Teddy were touched by the gifts, but occasionally, when Linda looked at her, she was worried. There was an odd kind of tenseness about her lately, a sense of something about to happen. Linda tried to talk to her about it once or twice, but Vanessa herself didn't seem to know what the matter was and insisted that she wasn't aware of it. It was an almost indefinable impression one got when one looked at her closely. It was as though, deep within, she was desperately unhappy. And it grew more marked as the time for the baby's birth came closer.
Linda on the other hand seemed to grow happier and calmer as she got larger. There was a serenity about her that struck everyone who knew her. Even her patients were touched by what one of them called “the rosy glow of the Madonna” about her. There was a luster in her eyes, a warmth to her smile, that told everyone how happy she was about the baby. At forty she was finally having the baby she had wanted all her life but had decided would never come.
“And suddenly there you were one day in my office”—she smiled at Teddy one night as she told him—”and I knew that you were it. Prince Charming.” She beamed at her husband and he grinned.
“Oh, you did, did you? Is that why you had me come back for all those consultations?”
“I did not!” She tried to look insensed. “You wanted to come back to talk about Vanessa.”
“Well, I did at first.” He looked suddenly thoughtful. “Speaking of which, have you seen her lately?” He looked worried and Linda nodded. “I'm worried about her. She's lost weight and she looks very nervous.”
“I think she is. I tried to talk to her about it the other day.”
“Anything important?” He looked worried. After all, in a sense Vanessa was still his first child, and Linda understood that. But she looked pensive as she answered.
“Honestly I don't know. I think that maybe the baby has set off some old impressions for her. I'm sure she doesn't know it, but whether or not she's aware of it, there's a definite déjí vu in it for her. It's bound to rattle up something.” She sighed unhappily for a moment. “And I think the latest man she's met has her upset too.”
“Why?” Teddy looked surprised. “Who is he?”
“She didn't say anything to you?”
Teddy sighed. “She almost never does. By the time she gets around to telling me, they're usually already off the lists.” It always made him sad to see how she closed herself off from men and any kind of close relationship. The only people she was close to were Teddy and Linda, with them she was wide open to her feelings and to theirs, but with anyone else she ran like a frightened deer if they came near her. She was twenty-four now and Teddy knew that she had never been physically involved with anyone. “Who is he?”
“I think he's a photographer's agent, she met him at a party. She said that he was very nice, and apparently he was interested in representing her work. She was thinking about it too, but then he asked her for a date and she got nervous.”
“Did she go?” Linda nodded.
“Yes. I think they went out three or four times. She really liked him. They had a lot in common, he was crazy about her work. She says he made some very good suggestions about how she should market herself. Everything was fine.”
Teddy looked bleak. “And then he kissed her.”
Linda reached out and touched his hand. “Don't take it so personally, Teddy.”
“I can't help it.” He looked at his wife. “I keep thinking that if I'd handled it right, if I'd been the perfect role model, she wouldn't be afraid of men.”
“Teddy, she saw a man kill her mother. Be reasonable. How can anything you did