normal, but he looked anything but, and Serena was deeply worried as she followed him upstairs. He turned around to stare at her, and she saw that he was weaving. “What the hell are you following me for?”
“Are you drunk?” She was staring at him. But with that, he threw back his head and laughed.
“Am I drunk? Am I drunk?” He repeated it again and again.
“Are you crazy?” She knew then that he was, but he didn't really look drunk, as she followed him into the bedroom, hoping that Vanessa hadn't heard them.
“Vasili, we can't go … you're in no condition.” As she approached him she saw that his eyes looked almost crazy, and his mouth moved differently as he mimicked all that she said. “I'm not going.” There was a frantic tone in her voice. This was a man she had never seen before, and it frightened her to see in him a stranger.
“What's the matter? Are you ashamed of me?” He walked toward her belligerently, and she stepped back, frightened. “You think I'd hit you?” She didn't answer but she was very pale. “Hell no, you're shit beneath my feet.” She was shocked at what he was saying, and she turned quickly and left the room. He found her in Vanessa's room a few minutes later, making an excuse as to why they had changed their minds about going out.
“Vasili doesn't feel well,” she said gently.
“Doesn't he?” It was a roar from the door. “Yes, he does. Your mother is lying, Vanessa.” Both mother and child looked shocked as he advanced into the room. He was steady on his feet again but the same mad light was still in his eyes.
Serena hurried toward the door and gently pushed him through it. “Please come upstairs.”
“Why should I? I want to talk to Vanessa. Hi, baby, how did your day go today?”
Vanessa said nothing and her eyes looked enormous in her face. Vasili reeled toward Serena then, still standing in the doorway. “What did you do? Tell her I was drunk?” He spat the words at her and Serena's eyes began to blaze.
“Aren't you?”
“No, you asshole, I'm not.”
“Vasili!” Serena was shouting now. “Get out of Vanessa's room!”
“Why, afraid I'll do something that will make you jealous?”
“Vasili!” It was the growl of a mother lion and he wheeled and left the room. He went down to the kitchen then, raided the icebox, and returned to their bedroom again, like an animal on the prowl.
“Want to fuck?” He looked at her over his shoulder as he picked at a plate of cold potatoes he had found in the icebox. The question seemed more rhetorical than real and Serena wanted to shake him.
“What in God's name is wrong with you? Did you take more pills?”
He shook his head. “Nope. What about you? Did you?” It was impossible to talk to him, and a few minutes later she locked herself in Vanessa's room with the child, and spent the night there.
The next morning he slept until almost noon, and when he finally came downstairs, it was evident that he was both ashamed and ill.
“Serena …” He looked at her, overwhelmed with remorse. “I'm sorry.”
“You should be.” She looked at him coldly. “And you owe an apology to Vanessa. Just what exactly happened to you last night?” It was as though he had gone crazy.
“I don't know.” He hung his head. “I had a few drinks. They must have reacted strangely. It won't happen again.” But it did. In almost precisely the same manner, once the following week, and twice the week after that. On Vanessa's birthday he was the worst he had ever been, and two days after that he disappeared for an entire night. It was as though he had gone totally berserk in the past month, and Serena couldn't understand it. He was like a totally different man from the one she had first met. He was angry, hostile, gloomy, vicious, and the mood came upon him more and more often. He spent the night at his studio now and then, and shouted at her when she asked for an explanation. And it made her more frantic yet when two days before Christmas she went to the doctor to discuss several minor problems she was having, which included nausea, vomiting, dizzy spells, headaches, insomnia, and all of it, she knew, was due to her nerves. It was exhausting to try and shield Vanessa from what was happening, and she was seriously thinking