ear as the two made their way toward the lobby.
“Long story. I’ll tell you later, okay?” she said, looking sheepish as she peered at Whitney through the corner of her eye.
Troy kissed her forehead, not wanting to cause her any stress. Clearly, Whitney’s unhappiness became hers as well. That was always something he adored about his longtime love. She internalized the feelings of those around her. Regardless of her driven nature, she was quite talented at putting herself in the shoes of others—something Troy himself admittedly struggled with. It was difficult for him to see outside his own comfort zone, his own emotions. He tried, especially when it came to Rigby, but clearly he came up short.
As they settled in for another award announcement, Troy’s mind drifted back ten years, as it did frequently whenever she was near. The anger consuming him had dictated his actions. Even though, at the time, he loved her more than he loved another human being on the planet, he managed to treat her as if she didn’t exist within a day of her confessing she couldn’t be married.
What he heard that morning in Las Vegas was she couldn’t be married to him. Because, deep down, he knew in his gut, that was exactly the case. After all, he always felt Rigby’s feelings for him could never and would never match the intensity of his own. And so, when she made herself sick the morning after their wedding, the wedding he tried so hard to make perfect for her, he knew in his gut he was correct.
She didn’t love me enough. Not nearly enough. Not the way I’d always loved her.
For weeks, she reached out to him. She came to his apartment almost every day and he looked through the peephole, seeing her distraught features, her bloodshot eyes. But he couldn’t put himself in her shoes. All he could feel was his own pain, his own disappointment and anger. He wanted to believe she loved him, but the truth of the matter was, he couldn’t do it. Each time she arrived at his door, he’d look through the tiny window the size of a thimble, take in her expression, and press his forehead to the door, his hands against the wood. Then, he’d take a deep breath and retreat to his bedroom, closing the door and blaring his music.
He started sleeping with Amanda less than two weeks after returning from Las Vegas. He hated himself for leading her on, but he was inexplicably drawn to his ex-girlfriend during times of heartache. And if he was being honest, there was a part of him that wanted Rigby to know he was seeing Amanda again. He knew how to hurt her, and he knew how to do it well. She was right when she asked about Amanda looking through the peephole. He sent her to the door just once, when he was feeling especially angry and full of resentment. He wasn’t proud of that, or the fact that he’d gotten her pregnant. Payton, however, was someone he would never regret. He was blessed to be her father, no matter the circumstances.
When Rigby slid the annulment papers under the door, he knew it was over. She’d given up. He was finally free of his attachment to her, or at least that’s what he told himself.
Even now, he feared, despite the miles or time apart, he might never be free of her. Time, space, distance—none of it seemed to make a difference. And so, when she materialized in his restaurant months earlier, he let his guard down, albeit slightly. And now he was seated next to her during the pinnacle of her career—just minutes away from a possible Golden Globe win. With each smile that crossed her face, with each squeeze of her hand with his, he was letting go of that anger, of that pain. He was forgiving her—something he didn’t know he was capable of. And it felt nice.
Now, if he could only get visions of her with Kingston out of his head. He was in no way naive when it came to that situation, or the fact the actor clearly affected her. After hours sitting at a table with the two of them, the tension was palpable. He noticed the stolen glances, the way she avoided looking across the table.
Troy wanted to laugh at the irony of the situation. For years, his anger and resentment were the biggest barrier placed between Rigby and himself. And now