the rule to begin with—to avoid drama like this,” Jax grumbles then fixes his gaze on Hunter. “Look, I think you might just think you feel a connection to her because you think it’s the girl from our past. I think you’re hoping it’s her so that maybe you can get that redemption you’ve admitted you want. But only idiots hope for things. You should know that by now.”
Hunter scowls at Jax. “I’m not just hoping. Raven has the pendant we gave the girl. And Zay could find hardly anything about Raven in her earlier past, so we don’t even know where she really came from. Plus, she can’t remember much about her past. Just like us. That can’t be a coincidence.”
“None of that means she’s the girl from our past,” Jax insists with his arms crossed. “You’re reaching. You know you are.”
“No, I know I would be except for that pendant,” Hunter snaps. “That fucking pendant, Jax, with the mark on it. That’s not a freaking coincidence, and deep down, you know it. You’re just too scared to admit it because it means a lot of things are about to change. And it means our bosses might be reinstating that fucking game.” He shakes his head with his jaw set tight. “And it means that you’re going to have to finally face all that damn fear you’ve been burying.”
Jax gives him a murderous look. “I’m never scared.”
“Not about most things,” Hunter says. “But if Raven is the girl from the game, it means that all those sins we’ve spent years avoiding are back, and we might actually have to deal with them. And that sort of stuff is scary for you, whether you’ll admit it or not.”
Silence stretches between the two of them as they stare each other down hard. Tension is building between them, and I can feel it in my own body.
Unlike these two, I can’t remember as much about that game and that girl. Sure, none of us can remember all the details, but for some reason, my mind is full of more holes than theirs. My therapist once suggested that trauma is what caused the memory loss. Hunter has been told the same thing. Jax probably would be, too, if he’d go to a therapist, but he’s too stubborn.
Still, sometimes I can recall bits and pieces; sharp images that send so much pain through me that I sometimes split my skin open and try to bleed them out. It never works, but it does give me a brief moment of relief. And right now, I’m craving that relief, craving the bite of a razor against my skin. I know if I get up, though, Hunter and Jax will suspect where I’m going and stop me. So, I collect my drink from off the table, lean back in the sofa, and take a sip, trying to burn the images out of my mind with alcohol, along with the jealousy I feel that Hunter kissed Raven.
The movement draws Jax’s attention.
“You’re being awfully quiet.” He swirls the ice around in his glass then takes a drink, waiting for me to explain my silence.
I lift a shoulder. “I’m just thinking.”
His brow arches. “About what?”
I shrug again, the movement stiff. “How I think that Hunter might be right. I think Raven is the girl … And I think he’s also right about why you won’t admit this,” I add in a mutter, scratching the side of my neck so roughly I break skin. “I think you’re afraid of what her return means, not just with the bosses, but with us.”
A stillness wraps around the air.
See? That’s the thing. Everyone thinks I’m a scary motherfucker. And I am. But Jax is worse. Way, way worse. In fact, sometimes he makes me look like a lovable puppy.
Hunter and I both wait for him to say something—anything—but he just sits there quietly with this unsettled look on his face. Who knows if he ever would’ve said anything or if he’d just ended up sitting there, staring at us intimidatingly, but his phone buzzes, distracting him before we ever get to find out.
“Porter is having a party,” Jax mumbles as he reads the text. “We should hit it up and get that task crossed off the list.”
“When’s the party?” Hunter asks as he fiddles with a leather band on his wrist.
“Tonight.” Jax pockets his phone then stands, rolling up the sleeves of his shirt.
“Tonight?” Hunter questions. “I don’t really think Raven will be ready