Brynne, Last night was a gift.
Please forgive me for not
hearing what you were trying
to tell me. I am so sorry.
Yours,
E
I read his note a few dozen times and wondered what to do.
How did he manage to confuse me so readily? One moment I felt sure I needed to flee Ethan and the next I wanted to be with him again. I looked at my purple flowers once more and knew I most definitely needed to acknowledge his gift and that handwritten apology though. To ignore it would be cruel.
Text or call? That was a hard decision. Part of me wanted to hear Ethan’s voice, and another part was scared to hear mine when I tried to answer his questions. In the end, I went with a text and felt like a total wimp. I had to power up my phone first and the barrage of missed calls and message alerts that flashed when it turned on made me ill without even listening or reading. It was too much for me at the moment so I ignored everything and fired up a blank text screen.
Brynne Bennett: Ethan, the flowers r beautiful. Ty. I ♥ purple. –Brynne
<end text message>
As soon as I pressed send I contemplated turning my phone off but of course I didn’t. Curiosity killed the cat or in my case made me do stupid things.
I went over to the vase of my flowers instead and removed his tie from the arrangement. I put it up to my nose and inhaled. It had the smell. The sexy Ethan smell I adored. I was never giving this tie back to him. No matter what happened or what did not happen, the tie belonged to me now.
My phone lit up and started buzzing. My first instinct was to turn it off, but I’d known he’d call. And the selfish part of me wanted to hear him again. I put the phone up to my ear.
“Hi.”
“Do you really love purple?” The question made me smile.
“Very much so. The flowers are beautiful and I’m not returning your tie.”
“I f**ked up badly didn’t I?” His voice was soft and I could hear a rustling and then a breath exhaled.
“Are you smoking, Ethan?”
“Today more than usual.”
“A vice…you have one.” I traced over the tie spread out on my desktop.
“I have several I am afraid.” There was a moment of quiet and I wondered if he considered me one of his vices, but then he spoke, “I wanted to come to your flat last night. I nearly did.”
“It’s good you didn’t, Ethan. I needed to think and that’s very hard for me to do when you’re close. And it’s not anything you did last night. Not your fault. I—I needed some space after we were…together like that. It’s just—it’s just the reality of me. I am the one that’s f**ked up.”
“Don’t say that, Brynne. I know I didn’t listen to you last night. You told me what you needed and I ignored you. I pushed too hard, too fast. I broke your trust and that’s what I regret the most. I’m deeply sorry—you have no idea how much. And if it ruins my chances of being with you then I deserve it.”
“No you don’t.” My voice was just a whisper and there was so much I wanted to say but did not have the expressible words to phrase it. “You don’t want to be with me, Ethan.”
“I know I do, beautiful Brynne.” I could hear him exhaling from his cigarette. “And now the only question is will you? Will you be with me again, Brynne Bennett?”
I couldn’t help it. His words made me tear up. My only saving grace was Ethan couldn’t actually see me crying through the phone but I was pretty sure he could hear me.
“And now I’ve made you cry. Is that good or bad, baby? Tell me please, because I don’t know.” The yearning in his voice broke my resistance down.
“It’s good...” I laughed awkwardly. “And I don’t know when. I have plans tonight with Benny and Gaby.”
“I understand,” he said.