these words. They meant something to people then, they mean even more to them now.
History will be made in this dark time, but remember: whatever is born of God overcomes the world.
My phone rings, cutting through the audio, startling me. I grab it from the passenger’s seat and hit speaker, cutting off Lev’s voice.
“Hello?” Silence. “Goddammit, who is this?”
The call disconnects.
The recording resumes.
Stand with me in faith and our faith will overcome the world.
I tighten my grip on the wheel.
The farmhouse seems empty when I pull up. I get out of the car and take it in, wondering how life plays out inside its walls without me there to witness it. There’s an unavoidable performance that attaches itself to anyone who knows they’re being observed and I want to know what the day-to-day really looks like—if every breath in and out is prayer and gratitude, serenity, if you wake up constantly feeling a part of something.
What it’s like to wake up feeling like that.
No one comes out to meet me. I watch the door to the house a long moment, just to be sure of it, and then I grab my bag and make my way to the barn down the road in the opposite direction. This is where Lev first held Project meetings before it became a space for the annual sermons, before the crowds overwhelmed them and forced them to get the tent.
The door is half-open and I step inside, taking it in. I was expecting something more … rustic; Lev preaching next to the pigs. But this barn has been renovated—it’s the kind you rent out for weddings. Clean. Shiny hardwood flooring. Old farm equipment displayed artistically on the walls. Hay bales accent the overall aesthetic. Their smell tickles my nose.
Foster stands in the middle of the barn. I’m quiet enough that I get a glimpse of him in those few revealing seconds before he realizes he’s not alone. His head is tilted upward and I follow his sad gaze to the nothing he’s staring at.
“I think Lev’s in the house,” he says when he notices me. “Waiting for you.”
“I know.” I study him. He’s in blue jeans, a tactical winter jacket, black gloves. If I’d never seen him doing pat-downs at the sermon, I’d assume his work here was something along those lines. His reddish blond hair rests nearer to his shoulders now, beard still neatly kept.
“So are you Lev’s official bodyguard or what?”
He chafes a little at the word bodyguard. “I’m Lev’s security detail, primarily his and Emmy’s.” He pauses. “This isn’t part of an interview, is it?”
“Off the record. For now.”
He scrubs a hand through his hair, flushing. “I don’t know that I could say something anyone else here couldn’t say better…”
“I’d love a range of perspectives.” I cross my arms. “You recognized me at the sermon, didn’t you? You tipped Casey off.”
“Yeah,” he says. “I did.”
“How did you know me?”
“I’ve always known about you, Lo.”
“Because of Bea?”
He nods. And then, “Everyone here does. Not everyone would know you to look at you but … but everyone’s at least heard about her little sister.”
It settles over me and it feels bad when it does. She had everyone on alert for me. Pulled out all stops just to keep me away. I bite back every bitter response I want to give Foster and ask how well he and Bea knew each other instead.
“She got me into all this.” He opens his hands wide, trying to encompass this. “The Project changed my life. Wasn’t much of one before.”
“What’s it like, being a member?”
“It’s hard to describe … you can’t put a definition on this kind of…” He contemplates it for a moment. “The Project found me. I think if you ask any member, that’s what they’ll tell you … you meet these people and it’s like there’s this light just shining out of them … enough that you can’t help but want to find the source. And then you find the source.”
“Lev.”
“Yeah.” He glances at me. “You haven’t spent time with Emmy, have you?”
“It’s not really what I’m here for.”
It feels cruel coming out of my mouth, but somehow better than admitting the truth; I didn’t open this door. I have no say over how long it might stay open, who closes it and when. The most control I can have over this is whether or not I step through it.
I need that control.
“She’s a great kid. I hope you get to know her. She’s kind