when I have these kind of setbacks. I sing. The song is one Bette Midler sang in an ancient movie produced in the 70’s. It’s called The Rose. In another lifetime ago, it was the song that changed the entire course of my life. But I only get through the first chorus before I’m interrupted by a male’s voice coming from behind me.
“You have the voice of an angel. No, I think it’s more like a jaybird, the kind that sings best when it’s all alone.” Alek says, coming to stand beside me. He wears a dreamy, kind of faraway look and his eyes are wild and excited. “First, I learn my designer can outperform any professional ballerina. Now, I find myself caught up in a voice that should be on a stage, and not stuck behind a sketch pad and sewing machine.”
He takes a step closer to me, his scent filling my nostrils, his smoldering gaze boring deep into me, pulling at that wall I’ve erected. I turn my gaze toward the lake. It’s just too hard to face Alek right now. And then, he reaches out and gently turns my face back toward his.
I’m thankful that it’s getting dark. I can feel the blush raging through me. I had no idea he was around, even though I probably should’ve expected that he’d follow me.
“You are full of mystery, Erin Angelo,” he says in a quiet voice. He’s so close, and I’m so far away. I wish I could be the person Petre suggested I try to become, the strong version of Erin, the woman who can stand up to anything in order to protect the fragile girl hiding inside me. But I can’t.
“I’m sorry to hear about your father,” Alek says.
“He died a long time ago. And I’m not all that mysterious,” I answer and lower my eyes. Feeling sorry for myself, maybe; and guilty, I most definitely got that one down.
“Give yourself some credit.” He’s almost pleading with me. “I need to apologize for Mother’s behavior. She means well. She aims to protect her greatest asset. Me. Sometimes I think she forgets that my friends are human beings too.”
“Um yeah,” I answer, feeling flattered he referred to me as a friend and not just a client. “I’m used to dealing with people like Katerina. It’s just that, I…my family…” The words don’t come out. I turn to face the lake once again and hug my shoulders. Cool air whips across the water. I’m caught up in thoughts of my family when I feel a set of strong hands massaging my shoulders. Alek stands behind me. We’re only inches apart, and I can’t deny how good it feels standing so close to him.
“Tell me about them, your family,” he whispers, his lips close to my ear.
Be open to new experiences.
Don’t be afraid to trust someone.
I lean toward Alek’s head. The reply to his request sits on my tongue. I want to tell him how I feel, I really do. The fear never allows the bold side of me to have the last word, though.
He’s a player, a swinger.
Open up to him and you might as well go ahead and grab the wood to build your coffin, girlfriend.
I turn around, inhale deeply, and release a long sigh. “There’s really nothing to tell. My father and sister are dead, and my mother’s in a fucking institution. End of story.” I wait for his judgmental response to what I just said. That’s what usually happens with other guys. Instead, I get something different.
A string of Russian phrases escapes his lips before he says, “Damn Mother for making you feel this way.” He shakes his head, reaches out, and then pulls me into his arms. My back rests against his chest.
I’m too stunned to move.
I don’t even think I want to move.
My heart races. My nipples harden, and my sweet spot pulses. This is the way grief affects me. I’m not only horny, but also opening myself up to the threat of heartache. I told myself I’d never trust again.
“I am so sorry, Erin. But for some reason I don’t fully understand, Mother sees you as a threat.”
“She wants what’s best for you, I’m sure,” I explain, even though I’m not confident with my answer.
The woman I faced down a little while ago makes the word vicious sound tame. I have no doubt she could go head to head with a bull and win.
Alek stays quiet a moment longer. We stand there