this one is.” Amelia places a hand lovingly on her stomach as she pushes herself back and forth in the rocking chair—a rocking chair that looks very familiar.
I walk towards her, drawn like a magnet, dropping down on my knees and placing my head in her lap. Amelia’s hands instantly go to the top of my head, running her fingers through my hair, soothing me like only she can.
I kiss the inside of her leg before sitting back on the carpet in front of her and looking up into her eyes, yet all I find is concern. “Thank you, Angel. You don’t know how much this means to me.” I tell her, looking back over to the beds that will hold my babies and allowing myself to feel excited. “I think it’s fucking amazing. I love it.”
Turning back to her and pushing her hands out of the way, I place my bigger ones over our baby. I start rubbing her stomach in slow circles, allowing myself this moment. “I feel such a connection to this baby already, and it terrifies me that I won’t love Jessa’s child in the same way that I love this one and our girls. I fucking hate Jessa. What if I can’t look past that?”
“Oh, Bull, you don't have it in your heart to turn your back on a child, especially your own. Give it time, you'll see.”
Guilt tears at me from the inside. How could I have admitted that out loud? I’m so fucking ashamed of myself. I feel like I’m slowly losing control.
“Talk to me,” Amelia murmurs, trying to get my mind off it. “How did today go? Have you heard from the hospital?”
Groaning out loud, I lay down on the floor in front of her, closing my eyes as I prop my hands under my head. “I don’t know where to fucking begin, Angel. It was ugly. I don’t even know if I have it in me to talk about it. I just want to leave it at the front door and enjoy this right here.”
“That’s okay, we can do that. Just tell me, though, are you alright?”
“I don’t know if I can answer that honestly right now,” I tell her. “I just don’t want to talk about anything to do with work or Jessa anymore. Not tonight. Can you give me that?”
“Anything you need,” she promises. “Did your mom say the girls were okay? Are you sure she doesn’t mind having them another night?”
Laughing softly, I reach out and curl my fingers around her ankle, needing that touch. “I don’t know who’s having more fun; Mom or the girls. I think Mom is finally getting her wish; being surrounded by girls and pink stuff rather than bikes, leather, and car parts.”
Sitting back up and resting my arms around my knees, I look at her, hoping she understands what she means to me. This woman needs to know that I’ll always be okay if I have her standing in my corner. That all this would all be for nothing if I didn’t have her to come home to. Her soul speaks to mine and calms me like a soothing balm. She breathes for me just as much as I breathe for her.
Reaching out, I grab her hands in mine and look up at her beautiful face, my heart squeezes inside my chest. “You look beautiful.”
The apples of her cheeks raise as a breath-taking smile overtakes her face. “I think you’re beautiful.”
Fuck, she’s so damn adorable. “Do you know how much I fucking love you?”
“I know you love me, but know that I love you more.”
“That’s impossible,” I say, shaking my head, somehow my heart already feeling so much lighter. “I’m sorry my mess is causing all this shit and that my mistakes with Jessa are causing you embarrassment.”
“We’ll get through this. At the end of the day, we’re going to have one more baby to love, and I will never see a problem with that, and trust me, I could never be embarrassed by you.”
Standing up, I hold my hand out to her. “Dance with me,” I ask simply, getting a beaming smile as she places her hand in mine. I pull her into my chest before burying my nose in the crook of her neck, loving her smell.
Wrapping one arm around her, I hold on tight as the other slowly slides up to the base of her neck. I pull her hair elastic out, allowing her hair to fall around us.