and I sit on the sofa to gain some strength. I'm beginning to achieve some level of clarity as the chemicals clear my system, and switch on the computer. I log in as me into the RANDom server, here I can check my mails and my text messages, I have missed calls and texts from Daniel a couple from my Mum, some from Pete too. I double check my dates and I have been off the grid for two days!
The horses!
I send a quick message to my Mum and Pete confirming I’m OK. Another to Jinni to check and feed the horses, she replies she has already been there, she’d passed and noticed them looking sorrowfully into empty hay bars. Love that girl. I don’t want to alarm them so I lie and tell them my phone was stolen and I had to stay in town for a few nights.
I call Daniel not sure if he’d take my call, “Tharie! Where are you?” I tell him. “Don’t move, I’m in the office.” I hear him sigh loudly at the phone, “god Tharie” he hangs up.
He is order, and I am chaos.
Daniel helps me into the car and Stan drives me home.
TC: “Thank you for the rescue” throw a line.
DP: “That’s OK” reel it in.
TC: “I thought all this was over?”
DP: “It is” are we speaking about the same thing?
TC: “Miss you” did I catch anything?
Silence, no.
Chapter forty-three, Tuesday:12thnovember2013 gig
“Honey, just go to Barbara’s black tie event, you promised, maybe you'll get some answers there?” She sips her drink looking at me over the brim of her heavy glass. “But you have to look incredible just in case he turns up with her.” Her inflection is suitably venomous, so I approve, though she shocks me with these words, it hadn’t occurred to me she might be there, of course she'd go, Barbara and Graham would invite her, and she wouldn’t turn down that opportunity would she? She's a woman with something other people covet, of course she'd show.
“I don’t want to confront Daniel like that Pete,” I am sick at the thought. “I sent him a text and he hasn’t answered, I take that as a bad sign.” I tell her, I am tired, tired of thinking about Daniel, talking about Daniel and feeling punched and sore.
“Then turn up, look stunning, be you, behave impeccably and leave.” She puts down her glass triumphantly as if the plan is now set. And she is right. My friend has set my brain in motion, I’m going back to being me, what would I do? Pete will be there of course with James.
At that moment clarity hits me like a freight train. I would sort this thing out like I would a missing shoe, I’d get it put back on. My mind loves horse-related metaphors. I am back, resolved, I order another triple straight up to celebrate. It works.
Daniel is late, I check my Dads watch like a nervous tick ever few seconds. I stand in the foyer of the club and the support band is finishing. My brain says thank goodness, Depeche Mode they are certainly not! Daniel has agreed to honour a long standing date with me at this gig, but we are not together. I am clear in my head about that, and rinse and repeat my own words back at me hoping, one time, I could feel it is true. Maybe, fiftieth time really is a charm?
I decide to text him:
TC: “It's me”
DP: “Hi”
TC: Monosyllabic, “where are you?”
DP: “Working” what else?
TC: “Can you meet me here?” Are you even coming now?
DP: “I’ll try” infuriating
TC: “That's all I’m asking Daniel” don’t do me any favours.
DP: “I might be late” of course you might.
Can’t be mad, we’re not together.
Wearing a jersey mini dress and twenty four-hole DM's, an oversized leather biker jacket and a McQueen skull scarf, a new one from James, I wait. It's draughty standing here, but it’s where we agreed to meet. I can’t miss the show, I’m cross but I decide to enjoy my evening regardless, how did I allow myself to base my happiness on another person, I am used to being by myself, get a grip.
EC: “And I’m watching Kerrang is that right Catharine?” Bloody hell.
TC: “Yes Kerrang channel, he's starting now, switch it on” there won't be any Barbara Streisand on that channel you know.
EC: “Thanks Ex” god.
TC: “Got it?” Please say yes.
EC: “It’s terribly loud Catharine” bloody hell.
TC: “It's supposed to be Mum, you