behind me. I turn and see Tyler walking towards me. "What are you doing out here?"
"I was um…talking to Mille." I point to her just as she's walking off. "I guess she got bored with our conversation."
He smiles. "You're talking to horses now?"
"Turns out they're good listeners." I pause. "What are you doing here?"
He steps up beside me, gazing out at the open field. "Being out here calms me. And right now…." He doesn't finish the thought.
"You're upset," I say, but I know he won't talk about it. Even when we dated, it was hard to get him to talk about what was bothering him. As expected, he doesn't say anything, but I try again. "Is it because of me?"
"No," he says, still gazing at the fields. "I love you, and whatever you decide I have to accept it, even if you tell me to go away. Although, right now, I can't do that. I need to stay." He chews on his lip and I notice his eyes are wet.
"Tyler." I put my hand on his arm. "Is everything okay?"
He swallows and shakes his head. "No." His eyes squeeze shut and a tear runs down his face. "Pops is dying."
"What?" I suck in a breath. "No. Walter's not dying. Grams would've told me."
"She couldn't." He wipes his face and looks out at the field. "He made her promise not to tell anyone. He hates people feeling sorry for him."
"Are you sure about this? I mean, lately he's looked more tired than usual but—"
"It's cancer. Pops has cancer."
Chapter Thirty-One
Tyler says the word 'cancer' like he's angry at it. Like he hates it and wants to punch it and strangle it and kill it, which I'm sure he'd do if he could.
"He had it before and now it's back."
"He had it before? When?"
"He was treated for it last spring. By the time my mom told me, he was done with his treatments and doing better. I was so pissed at my mom for not telling me sooner but he wouldn't let her. He made her promise not to. He knew if she told me I'd quit my job and move here to be with him. I ended up doing that anyway because I wanted to spend time with him in case…in case it came back. And now it has."
"That's why you stopped using," I say, finally getting the answer to why he stopped using drugs.
"The day my mom told me about Pops is the day I got clean. A few weeks later I packed up my stuff and moved here. He told me I didn't need to stay but I wanted more time with him so I used a big chunk of my modeling money and bought him that car. It gave me an excuse to hang around here longer. Plus, I knew he'd love that car. He's always wanted one like that."
"So last summer, the cancer was gone?"
"Yeah, and the doctors confirmed it. Remember when Pops and I drove to Indianapolis? The day I got your sink?"
"Yeah."
"I was taking him for his checkup. They did all these tests and said they didn't find any cancer."
"When did it come back?"
"The doctors can't say for sure but it was probably around the time I took off. Before I left I got worried when Pops wasn't eating much. I asked him about it and he told me he was fine. He joked about it, saying he didn't want to put on weight now that he had your grandma to impress. He wanted to look good for her."
"When did he find out? Did he tell you?"
"Right after I left. He said your grandma drove him to his appointment. They ran more tests and a few days later they confirmed it was back. And now it's spread."
"Tyler, I'm so sorry." I hug him.
He hugs me back, squeezing me tight, his body shaking along with his voice. "I'm not ready. I'm not ready for him to go."
"I know." I hold onto him.
"I should've been here for him. I should've been the one taking him to his appointments. Taking care of him. But instead I took off. I hate myself for that. And for leaving you. I don't deserve your forgiveness."
"Tyler." I look up at him. "We can talk about this later but right now I need you to know that I've thought about this and I do want to try again. I'm scared to death you'll leave but I'm willing to take the risk. I want what