to myself to make sense of it all. I tried escaping to the kitchen earlier, where it’s quieter, but Rosie and Leo took it in turns to come and ask me for one thing or another. So I figured I’d have fewer interruptions if we all sat together in the lounge. The TV could keep them entertained, giving me some time to think. I was wrong.
‘Mummy, my toys are naughty. They’re very messy all the time.’ Leo holds out his Buzz Lightyear figure and waggles his finger at it. ‘They make a big mess in my room so we have to tell them off.’
‘Well, then you’ll have to help Buzz tidy up,’ I reply.
‘It’s not Buzz,’ Rosie says knowingly. ‘You’re the one who makes all the mess, Leo.’
‘No I don’t! It’s Buzz. Not me!’
‘All right, you two. Are you going to be quiet and watch this film? Or shall we turn it off and have an early night?’
‘Watch the film,’ Leo says with a scowl, wriggling his bottom deep into the sofa.
‘Rosie?’
She folds her arms across her chest and mumbles something about watching the film.
Putting my arms around their small bodies, I edge them both in towards me and take a breath, confident that they’re about to settle down at last.
‘Mummy, can we have a snack?’ Leo suddenly springs away and gets to his feet.
‘You’ve just had your tea, Leo. Sit back down.’
‘Mummy!’ Rosie cries. ‘He’s in the way, I can’t even see the telly.’
‘Right, that’s it!’ I stand up and click the TV off.
‘Mummy! Don’t turn it off!’
‘Put it back on, Mummy, put it back.’
‘We’re going out,’ I declare. I can’t sit here doing nothing with these thoughts flying around my head and the children constantly clamouring for my attention. I need to do something. I tried to confide in Kelly earlier, but that didn’t work with Fiona gatecrashing our lunch. And even though I’ve texted Kelly a couple of times since, she still hasn’t replied. I guess she’s busy with work and the kids, but I did think she’d have made a little bit of time for me, her best friend. And I won’t even be able to talk to her tomorrow at the regatta, because Ed and the children will be there, not to mention Fiona and Nathan.
There’s only one other option I can think of right now… ‘Okay you two, how would you like to go out and see your Uncle Ash?’
‘Unkash! Unkash!’ Leo cries and starts bounding around the lounge.
‘I’m going to tell Uncle Ash about those mean boys at school so he can put them in prison.’ Rosie folds her arms and nods.
This is the first time today that Rosie’s mentioned those boys at school. I wonder if I should ask her about them. See whether they’ve been persisting with their story.
‘Can I bring Shorty?’ she asks.
‘Quickly then.’
Rosie races up the stairs to fetch her toy giraffe. She’s obviously not upset anymore, so I decide to leave it. There’s no point talking about those boys if she’s happy right now. I’d only be dredging it all up, and the last thing I want is Rosie in tears again.
‘Right, let’s go. Leo, get in your pushchair.’
‘No.’
‘Okay, you can stay here then.’
Leo immediately runs into the hall and plonks himself into his pushchair where I strap him in. He’s getting way too old be pushed about, but his buggy is so handy for keeping him contained when I don’t have the time or energy to manage him. Does that make me a bad mother? Maybe, but that’s a guilt trip I’ll save for another day.
Rosie thunders back down the stairs with Shorty and the three of us leave the house. Stepping outside, I instantly start to feel more positive, the warm evening air a balm on my skin. The simple act of walking and pushing Leo’s buggy makes me feel proactive, less trapped. I’ve always had a hard time sitting still and doing nothing.
‘This is like an adventure, Mummy!’ Rosie cries, skipping along by my side.
‘It is, sweetie. It’s a lovely evening adventure.’
‘Unkash!’ Leo cries again, pointing to the road ahead.
‘Yes, we’re going to see Uncle Ash. You sit nice and quietly and we’ll soon be there.’ My cunning plan is that the motion of the pushchair will eventually lull Leo to sleep. In fact, I’m going to walk the long way around to give him more of an opportunity to get snoozy.
My big brother Ash is a local cop. He always wanted to join the