He knew what he wanted, and he went for it. And what he wanted was me. But how might he feel about the idea of children now? I need to plant a seed without being too obvious.
‘So Molly’s leaving.’ He shrugs. ‘So what? Big deal. Assistants like Molly grow on trees. She’s not exactly winning any employee of the year awards.’
I need to play this carefully. ‘It’s nice she’s pregnant though. Her boyfriend proposed as soon as he found out and they’re moving away to be closer to family. It’s exciting for them. Starting their own family. A new adventure…’
Nathan takes a few more mouthfuls and then breaks to pour some more wine. I’ve barely touched my food. My appetite seems to have disappeared. I blame cooking in the heat, but deep down I know it’s more than that. Nathan is deliberately not engaging with my conversation. It’s boring him. He doesn’t want to talk about assistants and babies. He isn’t interested in starting a family, and I don’t feel brave enough to tell him how I really feel.
I briefly think about mentioning the tax officers, but those words stick in my throat too. Instead, I pick up my wine glass and take a few large gulps. The cold liquid feels good sliding down my throat. I like the way it blurs my thoughts and dulls my anxieties, blocks things out, allowing me to gaze out across the water and imagine I’m a bird skimming across the surface of the lake, heading out somewhere far from here where there are no worries.
‘How’s the Carmichael job?’ Nathan asks.
‘Good. They’re going super contemporary.’
‘Sounds expensive. That’ll be good for your portfolio.’
‘Although they do like to change their minds, so who knows what we’ll end up with.’
‘You need to be firmer. Show them your design and make them stick with it. Don’t take any shit.’
I nod. ‘You’re right.’
‘You know it.’ He raises his glass to mine, and we clink.
Although it’s not as simple as telling clients what they want. You have to tread carefully around people like the Carmichaels. They need to feel like they’re in control. Like it’s their own vision and I simply carried it out for them. They want all the creative glory for themselves. That’s why I’m so successful – I praise and flatter my clients for their impeccable taste, even though the ideas are all mine. I won’t try to explain this to Nathan. He’ll tell me I’m being ridiculous.
I take another sip of wine. ‘Paul Barton called round today.’
‘What does that dickhead want? Is he hassling you about taking over the showroom again?’
‘It’s fine.’ I put my glass down. ‘I’ve told him I’ll give him my decision by the end of the month.’
‘Fi, there is no decision. Tell him to piss off. Better yet, I’ll tell him.’
‘No, no, don’t worry, it’s fine.’
‘It’s not fine. You need to keep hold of that showroom. Salinger’s is a prestigious business. It’ll send out the wrong message if you downsize. And I won’t be able to recommend you to any of my colleagues if you run a poky little shop rather than an impressive showroom.’
Nathan has never recommended Salinger’s to a single one of his work colleagues, but sometimes, especially after a few drinks, he likes to take credit for keeping my business going, even though he has absolutely nothing to do with it.
‘Don’t forget, that’s my name attached to it.’
‘Hello.’ I give him a little wave. ‘Fiona Salinger here.’ I grin to show him I’m teasing.
He smiles back. ‘You know what I mean, Fi. Everyone knows who I am. They know that’s my name. I didn’t mind you naming your business Salinger’s, but you have to realise that because it has my family’s name, it has to keep up a certain reputation.’
I don’t remind him that he suggested I change the name of my business from Fiona’s to Salinger’s, because he said it sounded more premium. He was right, of course. The surname is much better. But it irks me when he acts like he did me this huge favour letting me use the name.
I suddenly realise that if Nathan finds out about the tax audit from someone else – someone like Paul Barton, who has a way of discovering everyone else’s business – he’ll be absolutely furious. The thought chills me. I don’t think I have any choice but to say something about it. I take another huge sip of wine and decide to launch straight into it.
‘Nathan, there’s something