you ever date patients?” And yet, she didn’t want him to say yes. If he did, then that would make her feel weird. Like, maybe he was taking advantage and she didn’t want to be among a pool of women he had access to all the time.
But if he said no… That would be the end of her chances. And she wasn’t sure how that made her feel. He’d already been clear about just being friends.
“I’ve never dated a client or a patient, no. I’ve never wanted to.” Tommy avoided looking directly at Amanda, staring out the windshield with his hands in the ten and two position on the steering wheel.
“Oh.” Amanda suddenly felt very small.
He’d never wanted to. That must mean that he didn’t feel the same way she did. He wasn’t attracted to her like she was to him. That wasn’t a bad thing on an ethical or professional level, but it made her feel like she’d been acting like a lovesick schoolgirl and had no idea what she was doing chasing after the teacher or something.
“I’m sorry. You’ve been really clear that we’re just friends. I just… I can’t help that I feel this way. It’s stupid. I just thought you felt the same things that I was feeling. Just ignore I said anything.” Amanda leaned back against the seat and turned her gaze out the passenger side window. She pressed her lips together and mentally berated herself for acting so stupid.
What was wrong with her? And she was going to be in the truck with him for a long time. Crud.
A long moment of silence passed between them.
Tommy was the first to break it after more than a handful of minutes. “I’ve never wanted to date or spend personal time with a patient… before you. Now, I try to come up with ways to see you. I want to talk to you all the time. I can’t help but wonder what you’re doing or what you would think about something I see that’s new. It’s not healthy. It’s far from ethical and I don’t want to put you in a position like that with someone you are going to for help.”
He swallowed, finally glancing at Amanda with sincere vulnerability in the depths of his dark eyes. “Amanda, I don’t want to pursue anything with you in case it doesn’t work out. I’d hate to be the reason you can’t work through your personal trials and instead I just add to them. Does that make sense?”
Amanda hadn’t realized she was holding her breath until she let it out on a whoosh when he fell silent after his declaration. She couldn’t look away from him, even as he continued to break their gaze to keep an eye on the road.
With the snowy conditions, they probably should have pulled over to have that kind of in-depth conversation, but Amanda didn’t see the point in slowing down the drive when he was obviously in a rush to get to his grandmother’s side.
Reaching up, Amanda rubbed at the sensitive skin at the nape of her neck. “What if I can keep everything separate? What if I don’t end up needing therapy for very long? We could… I don’t know. I’m very out of my element right now.” She half-laughed when deep down she wanted to cry.
If things were that hard just trying to figure out if she could date him or not, what would things be like once they actually started? Or worse, didn’t date? Would things be uncomfortable?
“You know what? Forget I asked. Let’s take it as friends, like you suggested. When I’m finished with my sessions, maybe we can pursue it then, right?” Amanda shifted to face him on the seat, all earnestness in her shoulders and expression as she leaned toward him. “I need to protect those sessions, Tommy. They’re the only things helping me through my muddled thoughts. Is that okay? I don’t want to put you in a position, either, where you’re not comfortable with what you’re doing.” If there was a chance she could be with him after her therapy was over, then Amanda was willing to do whatever it took to get through her therapy as fast as possible.
He offered her a half-smile, his eyes searching her face before turning back to the road. “Yeah, I think that sounds like a plan.”
But even as he said the words that made her heart sing with possibilities, Amanda noticed the sadness in his eyes and the