you tonight and I want to be the reason you can sleep. Tell me if the idea of me disciplining you is frightening or arousing.”
“You know it’s arousing.”
“I do, but unless you’re willing to admit it, this can’t work.”
She stepped back slightly and he let go of his hold. He didn’t scare her on any physical level. He wouldn’t hurt her like that. Emotionally he could wreck her, but she couldn’t let this chance go. If there was any way to connect with him again, she would take it because she was an idiot and she was still so in love with this man.
Maybe tomorrow she could fool herself again, shove those emotions deep, but tonight she wasn’t going to lie to herself.
She hooked her thumbs under the plain cotton undies she was wearing and eased them over her hips, her heart starting to thud in her chest in a mix of excitement and dread. It was an intoxicating cocktail because she’d been numb for so long.
“You are so fucking gorgeous.” He stopped her before she could do what he’d asked, and his eyes were back on the scar from the bullet wound she’d gotten in Colorado.
“Don’t, Beck. Please don’t bring him into this.” She couldn’t have Levi here with them. It felt like Levi was always there between them, pushing them apart.
His jaw tightened but he nodded. “Then do as I told you.”
She breathed a sigh of relief and moved across the floor to the table he’d indicated. She placed her hands on the padded top palms down and spread her legs outward. The position made her incredibly vulnerable, putting almost every inch of her skin on display for the man who was about to discipline her.
His hand came down on her ass with a resounding whack. The pain hit her system and she gasped, forcing air into her lungs. He held his hand there as if he could force the heat into her skin. After a moment that same hand stroked down to her thigh and back up again.
The wait was killing her. She would rather he’d gone fast and gotten through this part so she could feel his arms around her, his body moving inside hers.
Another hard smack and tears pierced her eyes. The pain was jarring, and he coupled it with the sweet sensation of his hand stroking her skin. It reminded her of how good it felt to have him touch her. Not merely anyone, but this man.
“I’ve dreamed of doing this to you, of being here with you. In my dreams you’re always naked.” He spanked her again, a sharp smack against the underside of her ass. “You always start out unsure about whether or not you like this.”
“Your dreams are my reality,” she admitted as he spanked her again. “Is it always so slow?”
His big palm cupped her, and he gave her a squeeze that made her heart rate tick up. “Not at all. Sometimes I’ll pull you over my lap and spank you hard and fast. You won’t have a chance to breathe, it’ll be so shocking.”
“And this is supposed to do something for me?” Even as she asked the question she knew the answer because she could feel heat flooding her system and she was deeply aware of how close his hand was to her pussy. The brief pain she’d felt was working to sensitize her.
He was right. This was what she needed. She needed the pain to give her permission to feel the pleasure. She was sure a therapist would tell her she needed to spend some time on a couch, but she didn’t care. She would take any moment of respite she could find.
She lost track of how many times he slapped her ass and then eased the ache with the touch of his hand.
“Still wonder if it’s doing something for you?” His voice had gone deep and she felt his hand slide between her legs. He slid a finger through her pussy. “Yes, I dream about this, too. I dream about how fucking wet you get every time I touch you. I dream about how good you smell, and I fucking can’t wait to taste you again. Tell me how you feel right now.”
She didn’t want to talk. She wanted that finger inside her, but he was skimming over her flesh, teasing her.
He slapped her pussy, sending a jarring wave of pleasure/pain through her. “I asked a question. I expect an answer. Now.”
She wished she didn’t love it