in families. And the GP just gave me this look, I’ve known him for years, and he said, ‘I’m covering all bases.’”
Oh, damn it to hell.
“It was just before Christmas, and he called me in to give me the results. He pulled out the file and, afterward, I realized I had these words in my head, and I was saying them to myself, and it just … shocked the life out of me that I would think that.”
“What words?” asked Frances.
“I was thinking, Let it be terminal.”
Frances blanched. “And … but … is it?”
“Oh, I’m fine,” said Tony. “Nothing wrong with me, except that I obviously don’t have a healthy lifestyle.”
Frances exhaled. She hoped not excessively. “Well, thank goodness.”
“But it shook me up—that I would think that, that I would hope for a terminal diagnosis. I thought, Mate, how fucked-up is your head?”
“Yeah, that’s bad,” said Frances. She felt energized in that bossy female way that she knew drove men crazy, but there was really nothing you could do about it once you felt that sense of righteousness surge through you, because they were such idiots. “So, right, you’ve got to get this fixed. You need—”
He held up his hand. “I’ve got it under control.”
“It’s really very bad that you thought that!”
“I know it is. That’s why I’m here.”
“So you probably need—”
He put his finger to his lips. “Shhh.”
“Therapy!” she got in quickly.
“Shhh.”
“And—”
“Zip it.”
Frances zipped it. She held the wet towel to her face to hide her smile. At least he wasn’t thinking about his claustrophobia now.
“Tell me about this bastard who scammed you,” said Tony. “And then tell me where he lives.”
54
Yao
“What’s wrong with this one now? Is she sick? Why is she dabbing at her face like that?”
Masha’s accent, usually just a flavor, sounded more pronounced than usual to Yao. Yao’s parents were the same. They sounded extra Chinese when they were stressed about their internet service or health.
He should call his parents. “You are wasting your life with this woman!” his mother had said the last time they talked.
“Yao?” said Masha. She had sat down in the chair vacated by Delilah and was looking up at him, her big green eyes so worried and vulnerable. She was rarely vulnerable. It was exquisite torture to see her so.
“Frances is menopausal,” said Yao.
Masha shuddered. “Is she?”
Yao knew Masha was a similar age to Frances, also in her fifties, but she was presumably not experiencing any symptoms of menopause. Masha was a puzzle Yao could never quite solve. She enjoyed discussing the most intimate intricacies of the digestive system, she had no shame when it came to nudity (why would she?) and often walked about naked when there were no guests on the property, but the word “menopause” caused her to shudder, as if something so distasteful could never happen to her.
Yao looked at the back of Masha’s neck and saw a small inflamed lump: a mosquito bite. It was strange to see any form of blemish on her beautiful body.
She reached back with her hand and scratched it.
“You’re making it bleed,” he said. He put his hand over hers.
She waved him away irritably.
“Delilah is taking a long time,” he said.
“Delilah is gone,” said Masha, her eyes on the screen.
“Yes, she went to get you tea,” said Yao.
“No, she is gone,” said Masha. “She’s not coming back.”
“What are you talking about?”
Masha sighed. She looked up at him. “Have you not worked it out yet? Delilah looks after Delilah.” She turned back to the screen. “You can go too, if you like. I will take responsibility for it all. The new protocol was my idea, my decision.”
She could never have applied the new protocol without his medical expertise. If anyone should pay, it was Yao.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he said. “No matter what happens.”
Over a year ago now, Masha had come across an article about micro-dosing in Silicon Valley. White-collar professionals were using micro-doses of LSD to increase their productivity, alertness, and creativity. Micro-dosing was also being used with some success to treat mental illnesses like anxiety and depression.
Masha was fascinated in her typical Masha way. Yao loved her sudden wild enthusiasms and the fearless way she strode into unfamiliar territory. She tracked down the person who wrote that first article and phoned him. That’s what led to her learning about psychedelic therapy, where people were given “full doses” of psychedelic drugs. Within a very short time, she became obsessed. She ordered books online. She made more phone calls to experts