I’m not in control of a situation. Like Sarah, I sought help. I learned about behaviour modification and cognitive restructuring. And then decided I wanted to help others feel good about themselves. To be mindful. To see foods, not as a moral value but as fuel. To see we are not always what we eat.
Even when we eat donkey dick.
The thought makes me a little sick as I remember the creep from Ardeo.
And, zing! I’m back to thinking about Carson and his generous proportions again.
“Have you and Beth fallen out?”
I look up from the notes I’m studying and shake my head in answer to Marta’s question. “No. We’re fine.”
“You’re far from fine. You can’t even look at each other. What happened over the weekend.”
“Nothing. Nothing at all.” I sit back in my chair, my eyebrows sitting somewhere near my hairline, and if I open my eyes any wider, they might fall out of my head. “Why? Has she said something?” She’d better not have.
“Yes. She’s said fine a lot, too.” Marta’s expression twists unhappily. “But it’s far from fine. In fact, it’d be more fun working in a morgue right now. I thought—” She pauses, possibly choosing her words. “You know she’s going to end up sleeping with Ethan, right?”
“Do you reckon?”
“Hell, yes. But that’s her business. You can’t tell her anything else just because you recognise the man gives off Ken doll vibes.”
“You mean because he’s all buff and toned? Or because he’s more than a little bit plastic?”
She smiles. “I was going for empty-headed and lacking balls.”
We both set off chuckling but then fall quiet again.
“We had a difference of opinion, that’s all. It wasn’t about Ethan. Believe me, I’m not silly enough to think I could give anyone advice about their love life. I have enough on my own plate at the moment.”
“Man trouble?” she asks.
“No,” I reply a little too quickly. “I’m moving to Beth’s sister’s apartment this weekend, and I’m suddenly facing a lot more expenses than I thought.”
My answer is a diversion, while also sadly true. There are so many fees I hadn’t anticipated, and though I’ll get most of them back once I send my expense sheet to HR, I still have to lay out the sums initially.
“Oh, yeah. City living does have its drawbacks.”
“There’s the application fee, a security deposit, renters’ insurance, and utilities deposit. Then the apartment doesn’t have a communal laundry, so I’ll have to send it out or spend a couple of hours each week in the laundromat, which Lulu will be just peachy about. It’s going to cost me a pretty packet each month in terms of my commute, and that’s using the metro, not Uber or Lyft. Then there are the items that Lulu has needed for school and the new wardrobe I’ve had to splurge on because workout wear doesn’t suit the tone of the office unless you’re called Ethan, it seems. The list of expenses just goes on and on!”
“Can you get another job? Maybe something in the evening?”
“Not with Lulu at home. I mean, Ethan offered me a yoga class to run, but I couldn’t at the time, but now I have a babysitter.”
“And he’s found someone else for the class now.”
She nods, and I give a tight shrug. “I’d hoped I’d put all this behind me in my twenties.”
“Unexpected expenses?” she asks, amused.
“No, working my bum off to keep my head above water.”
“Well, if it helps, my brother runs a cocktail bar on the East side, and he’s looking for someone to fill in for a week coming up soon. You’ll be living over that way then.”
“Oh.” I begin to chew my lip as I consider the opportunity and how I’d manage it. I’ve been keeping an eye out for something since babysitting was no longer an issue, hoping to find an early morning yoga class or two to lead. But this might just work. Sophia lives on the other side of the city, but maybe she could stay over or something. “I have worked as a waitress and behind a bar, but that was back in France.” Before Rose. Before Lulu.
“You’d be perfect. This is one of those French bistro-style places. Food and liquor. Upscale and with a friendly, regular crowd. He never has any problem with his staff. They love working there, but one of the girls is going back to North Carolina. I mean, it’s only a week. Maybe ten days? I can give you his phone number if you