in front of Ethan and her son. “Papa, this is Rory Anders Christopher.”
Ethan then placed the sleeping baby into her father’s arms. The instant look of love on her father’s face was a sight to see. He brought her son close to his face and Mia smiled when she caught him breathing in the unique baby scent. Nothing like it in the world.
“And over in the crib is Pierce Aidan Christopher,” she said, guiding her father over. He smiled down at the little boy in the crib then looked up at Mia. “Rory, Pierce, this is your pépère. My papa,” she said, tears of joy choking her voice.
“I’m so proud of you, Mia. They are such handsome boys and they will bring you so much joy and love.”
“I can’t wait, Papa.”
Having everyone there—her father, Ethan’s family, her bandmates, as well as Allie and Luke and Kaitlyn—made it easy for Mia to rest like her doctor ordered. She loved seeing everyone with her boys, especially Kaitlyn. Luke needed to work on making her a big sister.
Eventually, though, it was just Mia and Ethan again. Or often just her—Ethan was still in the middle of the football season. He was having a phenomenal year—a career-best kind. After Christmas, the team traveled a lot. She didn’t see him much during the day, and if it was an away week, she saw him even less. On the nights he was home, Mia made sure to have a meal prepared for him. She enjoyed making it and he enjoyed eating it.
She loved being a mother and taking care of her boys, even though they took up a lot of her time. Everything times two. Feedings, diapers, washing. It all made her feel very domestic. She loved taking care of the boys and being there for Ethan, but as the days turned into weeks, the feeling that something was missing overwhelmed her.
Maybe it was because she was alone a lot, she couldn’t say, but on those hard days when she really needed a break, thoughts of being like her mother pushed into her mind. And that fucking scared her. She didn’t want to be like her mom. Mia loved her boys and those thoughts made her feel guilty. That guilt pushed her into an abyss. She became depressed and started to withdraw from everyone except her sons. All her energy focused on taking care of Pierce and Rory. With everything else, she found herself just going through the motions.
In those rare moments of silence, she admitted to herself that she missed her music—the screaming fans, playing with the guys, and creating new music. And again, that made her feel guilty. Shouldn’t this—her family—be enough?
But it wasn’t. Had her mother felt this? Was that why she’d left? Well, Mia knew it had been more than that because her mother hadn’t been able to stand the sight of her. Mia, on the other hand, never wanted to leave her boys. They gave her life a different purpose.
She had thought to bring these feelings up to Ethan, discuss them with him, but with playoff season in full swing, Ethan was gone even more. She knew his goal—another championship. Mia was confident that he would get it. And when he did, she was ecstatic for him. He was doing what made him happy, but a small part of her, a part she hid deep within her, was jealous.
She did her best to bury that feeling far away. Maybe these thoughts would go away now that the football season was over and he’d be home more often. Because right, now she didn’t feel like herself—didn’t feel complete. But the thing was she didn’t know how to fill that hole.
Ethan
April 2012
Sitting down at his bar, Ethan mindlessly stared at the picture on the television screen, nursing a beer. A lot had happened these past six months.
His wife almost died giving birth. He was now a father to two baby boys. He had a career season capped off with another championship win in March. And he’d still not had sex with his wife. He’d thought after the eight week mark, they’d have been fucking like bunnies. That so hadn’t been the case. He figured with the Championship win, she’d be willing, hell, even excited to have sex with him again. He remembered last year, after they’d got back together and he’d won the championship, they’d made love for hours. So this year, he was pretty shocked when she’d begged off long enough for