Never Give Up - Heidi Lis Page 0,43
my heart. Being forced to explain how I suddenly feel after five freaking years, not only hurts, it angers me. It’s only been a short time that Micah’s been back in my life. They are expecting me to know exactly how I feel. What they don’t understand is not everything is cut and dry, black and white…sometimes things are gray.
“I’m not sure.” It’s the most honest answer I’ve got. “When you’ve loved someone like I did, it’s not easily forgotten.” Snapping my eyes between Nick and Liza, I’m trying not to come across bitchy or rude. Micah is dead silent, but hidden to prying eyes, he’s holding onto my hand in a death grip.
I continue.
“Obviously, my pain is no secret, so I can’t lie and say I’m fucking great! I’m not, and I don’t have an answer for you because I don’t know.”
“El,” Nick tries to soothe me with his hand as he reaches out to rest it on my arm. “No one expects any of us to be fine. But we need to be honest enough to say that everything has changed.” He replies, lingering his eyes between the three of us before settling on Micah.
“I knew the minute you entered her life again, everything would change. How could it not? The Elsa that finally got over you and let me in—dissapeared the moment she laid eyes on you. The way she looked at you, well a blind man could figure out how much her love still burns for you. I’m not happy about it, but I can’t deny my friend the love of her life, either. No matter how fucked I think it is.”
“I can’t…excuse me.” Liza jumps up from the table and rushes out the front door, not bothering to close it on her way out.
Not a second later Micah stands. “Liza, wait.” He says nothing else, he followed after her.
Nick’s left to stare at his plate, his expression unreadable. That leaves me sitting with my hands in my lap. The warmth my hand once had when Micah held it is now cold, and alone. My tears are flowing strong and the sudden urge to flee overtakes me. I get up from the table, in need of a hot shower. I’m sure Nick will get the hint and leave, at least I hope!
I undress in a hurry and turn the shower on as hot as I can stand it. As I climb in, I let the water pierce my skin, embracing the pain. My hushed cries escape and flow down the drain along with my tears. I can’t imagine how many times I’ve been in this same situation…left crying in the shower. Too many to count.
Wrapped in my towel, I can’t help noticing my eyes are puffy and bloodshot. As I dry my hair with my towel, I keep my head down walking to my room without giving a second thought about dinner or the dirty dishes. I’m going to crawl under my covers and stay there for the rest of the weekend. Thankfully, Nick took the hint and left after Liza and Micah’s fast departure. It was easy for me to understand how discouraged Nick may be at this point. He can see the writing on the wall, I’m in no means ready to carry on a relationship with him. I need to come to terms with Micah, and what that means. God only knows what’s happening between them. I’m sure Liza hearing Micah admit to her that he never stopped loving me, was a hard pill to swallow and I can’t blame her. The poor thing is smack dab in the middle of whatever it is between me and Micah.
As darkness fills my room, I’m left unsettled with every tear that escapes my eyes. I glance at my clock, and realize it’s been three hours since Liza took off. Leaving like she did, all upset makes me sad. The last thing I want is to hurt her. A part of me can’t help taking the blame for it all. I didn’t think I could sink any further, but I guess I was wrong.
Just then, I hear my front door open and close…then lock. I relax letting out a sigh, I’m relieved she’s home and safe. But scared she may not want to see me, so I decide to stay where I am, and see if she’ll come to me.
I’m quiet like a mouse hearing my door slowly swing open. My body’s turned away from the