My Rebound (On My Own #2) - Carrie Ann Ryan Page 0,75

But it was all twisted up.

So much had happened this semester that I couldn’t keep up. And I was falling...failing.

Nothing was going the way I planned. And as someone who needed those pathways to function, I felt like I was numb. That nothing I did was right.

Pacey was hurt, and in his anxiousness, he pushed me away.

I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do about that. Or if I was supposed to do anything at all.

Chapter 21

Pacey

I was such a bloody idiot. So much so that I knew that if I weren’t careful, if I didn’t plead and beg, I would lose everything.

I needed to be better. I needed to stop doing whatever the hell it was I was doing this year. So, I stood in front of Mackenzie’s place and let out a breath. I didn’t have anything with me. No flowers or chocolates or anything traditional would fix this.

At least, that’s what I told myself. I needed to apologize. Let her know that I knew I was a fucking idiot. And maybe she would be better off without me. I had been right when I said that she had so much going on that my issues would only pile on for her. But I didn’t need to be an asshole about it.

I hadn’t needed to hurt her.

I’d kicked Mackenzie out. Rattled on about my problems and hadn’t leaned on her. She didn’t need me to do that. She needed more than a guy who put all of his issues on her. But I hadn’t needed to be an asshole. Still, I had been.

And damn it, I hated myself for it.

I knocked on the door, unsure of my welcome. The door opened, and I blinked, not seeing the person I expected. Yet, it was someone else I needed to apologize to. Nessa gave me a small smile and shook her head. “She’s not here. She had a meeting at school.”

I swallowed hard. “Oh,” I said. “That’s good. I mean, well…” I added and shook my head. “Shit, I used to be good at this,” I mumbled. She gave me a small smile.

“You used to be. But I know you’re not right now. Why don’t you come in? I think we need to talk anyway.” She took a deep breath and straightened her shoulders. I nodded, my hands at my sides. I didn’t know what to say, but I did know that I needed to apologize to Nessa for being a blind jerk. I had made so many mistakes this semester—for probably longer than that—and I needed to figure out how to fix them.

“I’ve wanted to talk to you for a while now,” I began as I looked at her. “I’ve wanted to tell you so much, but I knew you needed some space.”

Nessa studied my face, her gaze penetrating yet soft at the same time. “I’m glad you gave me time to reflect. And you’re right, I needed to think about what I felt and figure out what I needed to say. I’m glad you didn’t talk to me right away. Even though I have missed you.”

I gave her a slight nod. “I’ve missed you, too, Nessa. I hate that this semester seems to have blown up, to the point where I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

And that was the truth. I didn’t. I had been the man with firm convictions until what I thought was true, shattered. I’d thought my parents loved each other and were an example for me, but I had been so very wrong in that respect. Wholly inaccurate. And then I thought I had a handle on my health, on who I wanted to be, and the path I needed to take. But everything had changed this semester. I no longer had to do things alone or think I needed to be strong and hide certain aspects of myself. But I still wasn’t making the best decisions when it came to the people I loved. That was on me, and I needed to figure out how to fix it.

Because I loved Nessa, just not how she needed me to. And I didn’t know how to change that. I didn’t know how to make things better.

But I was here, and I hoped that would be enough—or at least the beginning.

“Well,” she said, “I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”

My eyes watered. “What on Earth do you have to be sorry about?”

She rolled her eyes and glared at me. “It’s not all on