My Rebound (On My Own #2) - Carrie Ann Ryan Page 0,76

you, Pacey. I hope you realize that. You don’t have to take on the world just because you think you’re responsible for everything.”

I frowned and shook my head. “That’s not it at all.”

“I bet you were just thinking a whole little rant about how you needed to be better and how this is all about you. You’re mistaken. It’s not. I can make my own decisions, Pacey. I’m responsible for my feelings.”

I winced. “But I shouldn’t have had my head so far up my ass that I missed it.”

“Don’t you think that maybe I didn’t want you to know? I mean, hell, Pacey, I knew you didn’t think about me the same way.” She was blushing so hard now that I wanted to reach out and hug her, tell her that everything would be okay. But I knew it wasn’t my right, and it would probably just make things even more awkward.

“Life would have been so much easier if I hadn’t had random thoughts that I knew wouldn’t amount to anything. Because you were my friend, Pacey. And I don’t say that word lightly, even though we tend to throw it around these days. I loved spending time with you and Corinne. But she’s gone. And I hate that more every day, just like Elise does because we can’t fix it. Even though I strongly want to.”

I swallowed hard and nodded, my chest constricting. “I know. It’s not easy.”

“Of course, you had to go and fall for the new girl. One that I like.” She wiped away a tear, and I reached out. She shook her head. “I’m not bothered that you have feelings for Mackenzie, Pacey. That was never the issue. I like her. I do. I think you two are great for each other. I’m responsible for whatever feelings I still have, not you. That much I can promise you.”

I stared at her, wondering what I was supposed to say to that because there was nothing good about this. Nothing could make it better.

“I should have seen.”

“And what would have happened if you had?” Nessa asked. “Would you have loved me back, Pacey? Would you have fallen for me because you thought it was the right thing to do? Or would you have felt awkward and not know what to say? Because I didn’t make it obvious, at least I hoped I didn’t, and just because I was weird about certain things doesn’t mean you had to do anything about it.”

I studied her face, wanting to reach out and hold my friend again, tell her that everything would be okay, even when I wasn’t sure it could be. “I don’t want anything to change, Nessa.”

She smiled sadly. “We both know things changed long ago—and probably for the better.”

“So, where do we go from here?” I asked softly.

“Wherever we need to. But I don’t want to lose you as my friend. Even if things might be uncomfortable for a while.”

I moved forward and gripped her hand. “I promise I’ll try not to be a jerk anymore.”

She froze for a minute and then smiled at me. “You were never a jerk, Pacey. That wasn’t the problem. However, you didn’t come here for me,” she whispered.

I straightened. “Maybe I should have,” I said.

“No, I needed space. And you gave it to me. Only today, you came here for Mackenzie.”

I pulled away, pushing my hair out of my face.

“You know I used to be better about this. About reading people and figuring out what others needed. Now, look at me, screwing up over and over again because I can’t focus.”

“Maybe you’re just overwhelmed. And you’re allowed to make mistakes, you know. Despite what my imaginary version of you says, you’re not perfect, Pacey. None of us are.”

“Thanks for that,” I said wryly.

“You love her, don’t you?” she asked, her voice soft.

I swallowed hard. “I think I do,” I said. “I’m sorry if that hurts you.”

She shook her head and held up a hand. “This isn’t about me. If you love her, that’s great. I need to get out of my head. I know that. But you’re not getting rid of me that easily. We’re going to be the eight musketeers or whatever we are now between our two households, no matter what happens. But that means you need to talk to Mackenzie. Just talk.”

My lips twitched, even as frustration crawled over me. “Shit, I know. That’s why I’m here.”

“Then find her on campus because she’s pretty amazing, Pace. And I want you