dropped everything she was carrying. I saw her soundlessly apologizing, then laughing a little manically, then cleaning up with a sober expression while Jane glared down at her.
“Okay, now you’re smiling,” Chris said. He followed my eyes out the window of my office and clapped his hands, jabbing his finger at Chelsea. “Exactly! I fucking knew it. You’re sticking your dick in that, and your dumbass doesn’t understand the emotions it’s causing you to feel.”
“What? I was laughing because she did something stupid. I enjoy when people do stupid things and I get to watch.”
“Yeah? Then maybe the secret to happiness would be locking you in a room full of mirrors.”
Despite myself, I chuckled. Chris grinned back at me.
“See?” he said. “There’s some human in there. It just takes a lot of fishing. Now, let me explain something to you about relationships. And no, you don’t know shit about them. All you’ve ever done is find warm holes, and once or twice you brought the warm hole home from the store and rented it.”
“That’s disgusting.”
“I know, you’re a freak. But the point is that you actually like this one. I’m sure her pussy is great, but I think you like her. So if you want to make things work, you’ve got to stop being such a depressing grump. Smile a little. Make some jokes. Make her feel comfortable and wanted.”
“This is your advice?”
Chris nodded. “Also go down on her. Don’t be selfish in bed. Women love that shit.”
I let out a long sigh. “Remind me why my brother—the same brother who moves through new women every week—is remotely qualified to give me relationship advice?”
“Because I don’t just sleep with the women I’m with. Each relationship is a little, self-contained explosion of perfection. I wine them. I dine them. We bond. I get to know them, and they get to know me. I’m just addicted to the first part.” He shrugged. “Things get boring after that.”
“It still sounds like you’re the worst person to give me advice.” I trailed off as I was speaking. I saw David approach where Chelsea was picking up papers. His eyes were clearly on her ass as she bent down on her knees to scoop up the last few pages. He straightened his tie and took a step toward her.
I got up and moved for the door.
“Go get her, champ!” Chris urged. “Just hide that massive boner you’re rocking so she doesn’t think you’re a creep.”
I looked down, then groaned in annoyance.
Chris barked a laugh. “He always looks. This fucking guy.” Chris looked around the room, as if at an invisible audience that was eating up his dumb jokes.
“When I come back, I want you out of my office.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Chris waved me out the door.
David was helping Chelsea with the stack of papers when I stepped outside my office. “Did you wrap up the deal for that goalie, David?”
“Y-yes, sir. I mean, I still need him to sign some documents, but he always takes a while to get back to my emails.”
“Then you didn’t wrap it up. Why aren’t you at your desk and on the phone?”
He made an apologetic face, handed Chelsea the papers he’d been carrying for her, and fast walked to his desk.
Chelsea gave me a dry look. “Really, Mr. Rose?”
Jane was waiting with folded arms.
“You can go back to work, too, Jane. I’ll take over.”
Her eyebrows shot up. All the superiority Jane had been wearing was gone in an instant. “Personally? You’re going to train her?”
“Chelsea has shown me more potential in one week than anybody else here has shown me in their entire careers. Yes, I’m going to personally train her, and I’d fully expect you to be answering to her before long.”
Chelsea was blushing, and Jane looked furious—but not stupid enough to talk back. She pressed her lips tightly together, then stormed off.
“You didn’t have to do that,” Chelsea said.
“Do what?”
“Lie for me. Chase off that David guy. Any of it, really.”
“Yes, I do.”
“Why?” she asked. There was a flash of sincere curiosity in her eyes. It was almost desperate. “Why me?”
“Because no matter how hard I tried to make everything else matter… After you, nothing ever did. Even when I lied to myself and pretended otherwise. It was always you.”
“Did you read that on a Hallmark card?”
“No. I’m trying to… Explain my feelings.”
Chelsea wore a small smile as she stepped closer and adjusted my tie. “The way you’re looking at me right now kinda says a lot.”
“How am