drumming my fingers awkwardly. The nightlife of New York City was crawling by the car window as we inched through traffic. I was also sitting next to an old man I’d never met. Apparently, his name was “Dick,” and he’d been sent by Damon to drive me to the fundraiser.
Dick wore a felt hat with a stubby brim over his age speckled head. He had a long, hook nose, teeth so perfect I suspected they were dentures, and he was dressed in an adorable little cardigan.
“So…” I said after a few minutes of quiet. “Do you usually drive people around for Damon?”
“Usually? I rub his feet. Oil him down before photoshoots. Sometimes I’ll massage the little knot he gets out of his ass cheek.”
I stared.
Dick waited a long few seconds before he grinned. “Those were supposed to be jokes. It’ll be less uncomfortable for both of us if you laugh when I try to be funny.”
I found myself smiling with him. “Sorry. Everything has been so crazy since I took the job for Damon. I’m having trouble keeping up.”
Dick nodded. “I can relate. I was there myself when he took me on.”
“I’ve always wondered,” I said suddenly. “How do you get Dick from Richard, anyway?”
“Oh, it’s easy. Just buy me dinner.”
I spurted out a surprised laugh, then tried to compose myself.
“So,” Dick said, shifting his eyes my way. “What’s with all the yellow?”
I self-consciously looked down at my outfit. Okay. It was possible that I took Daria’s advice a little too far when I got myself ready tonight. Almost every article of clothing and jewelry I had on was at least a little yellow.
“It was just what I threw on,” I lied.
“You look like the man in the yellow hat from Curious George. Minus the hat, the dick, and with a pair of knockers.”
I let out a sigh and stared out the window. “Someone told me Damon likes yellow. I wanted him to be a little nicer to me for a change.”
Dick let out a hacking laugh. “Someone was fucking with you.”
“What?”
“He hates yellow. Rumor is he fired a guy for wearing a yellow tie once. Went on some long tirade about how only a tasteless, half blind idiot would wear a yellow tie to work.”
I swallowed.
Dear Daria,
You suck.
Sincerely,
Me
I arrived at the fundraiser in one piece, thanked Dick—the driver, not the anatomy that had gotten me into this mess in the first place—and headed inside.
I mostly ignored the fancy decorations, swarms of attractive, well-dressed people, and headed straight for the bar. I figured I could probably sneak in a pleasant buzz before Damon found me, and God knew I needed a little liquid courage to get through this event without trying to strangle him.
Halfway through my second drink, a guy about my age with an English accent leaned in towards my ear. “Unbelievable, isn’t it?”
I smiled politely, which was the universal signal for not being witty or with-it enough to figure out what he was talking about. I hoped he wasn’t going to bring up my outfit.
“These people,” he continued without missing a beat. “They prance around like it’s all some sort of competition. Bet you ask half of them what cause we’re raising money for and they’d have no idea.”
I smiled again, or more like cringed. I was that half of people he was talking about. “Clueless. All of them.”
He tipped his glass toward me and clinked it against mine. “You said it.”
I cleared my throat, surveying the room. “You come to these things often?”
“I’m Mace. I’m an agent and I represent some of the athletes here.”
“Mace? Like the anti-perv spray or the medieval weapon?”
He smiled crookedly. “Like my parents picked my name from a book of ‘cool’ baby names for boys.”
Within a few minutes, Mace and I were smiling and laughing about a story involving one of his soccer players and a stolen mascot’s mask from an opposing team. That was precisely when Lucifer shat all over what was shaping up to be an enjoyable night.
“Mace,” Damon said. I was reminded of how tall and imposing he was. Until Damon had arrived, I would’ve classified Mace as a big man. He was strong and tall, but Damon made him look smaller. “That’s my personal assistant, so, if you don’t mind.”
Mace crooked an eyebrow. “Your employees aren’t allowed to socialize at social events? I’d heard you run a crooked ship, but that’s low. Even for you.”
“I don’t want you trying to fuck my employees. She has the best healthcare