the question shouldn’t be why I wanted this position, but what was I trying to prove?
He’d admitted that all this time he’d been trying to earn my respect…and he had.
And everything I’d done had been to get into a good school, and earn a scholarship. But at what cost?
I’d never been kissed up until Friday night. I’d never spent time with my classmates outside of school or school-sanctioned activities. I’d seen friendly faces by Miller’s pool, but none who seemed familiar to me outside of school.
I dropped my head back against the wall as my perspective shifted, and my whole life seemed to come into focus with unbearable clarity. I was going to graduate with no real friends, no boyfriend, no stories to tell my grandkids, and no…fun.
I mean, I knew life wasn’t all about fun, but surely there was a time and place for it, right?
My breathing grew shallow as I thought about next year and the year after that…and the year after that. I’d always told myself that life would begin in college. But what if it didn’t? What if my college career was spent chasing the perfect internship and straight A’s so I could follow Daphne to graduate school? And then grad school would be spent chasing the perfect job, and then…and then…and then…
It all stretched before me. A never-ending, exhausting stretch of striving, and working, and achieving, and…loneliness.
I swallowed another unexpected and completely unwanted wave of emotions.
What was happening to me?
I mean, seriously. It was the morning of the assembly. It was senior year. The home stretch. Now was not the time to be losing my focus. Why did this existential crisis have to happen now, of all times?
But I knew why.
Miller.
A bell rang, and the hallways started to fill with students who were heading toward the auditorium. Would Miller give his speech, or would he back out…like I’d asked him too?
For the millionth time since Saturday night, my gut churned with something horrifyingly close to shame. Regret, even.
I found myself watching the throng of students, waiting to see him. Hoping to find him with cue cards in hand and a smirk of challenge on his face.
I hoped beyond belief that he didn’t listen to me. I hoped he knew me better than that, and I hoped that he knew that had been a moment of weakness when I’d said yes to him backing out.
Did I want to win the president seat? Yes.
Maybe.
Maybe not?
I gave my head a shake. I didn’t know. But one thing I did know was that I didn’t want it like this… I didn’t want to win by default. I didn’t want to get anything from Miller out of some act of charity or because he was taking it easy on me.
That wasn’t me, and it definitely wasn’t us.
Bella smiled and waved as she walked past me, giving me two thumbs up for good luck. Some other people I was friendly with said hello as they headed in to snag a seat for the assembly. Still no sign of Miller.
I jumped up to my feet, no longer able to just sit and look for him.
That was also not me.
I needed to see him. I had to talk to him. My heart started racing in my chest as I heard the principle, Mrs. Gentry, welcoming the students and telling them the assembly was about to start.
I raced around the corner and—oof!
Miller’s hands steadied me, holding onto my upper arms as I stumbled back after the impact. “Kate?” He frowned down at me. “Are you okay?”
“No. I’m a train wreck.”
“What? What happened?” His expression was one of comical confusion, but this was not the time to explain about the hair issues and the skirt disaster and, perhaps, most important—the way I’d been reeling from his kiss for nearly two days.
“I don’t want you to step aside,” I said in a rush.
“You don’t? But you said—”
“I know what I said, but I was wrong.” There. I’d said it. And in my rush to get that out, I’d reached out so now I was resting my hands on his chest as he held my arms and…woah. Did the hallway just get really narrow?
I couldn’t breathe. Memories of that kiss were zinging around in my brain, and that was when I realized that I was staring at his lips. I lifted my gaze quickly, only to find that his gaze was on my lips too.
Well, great minds think alike, right?
That thought had me fighting a hysterical urge