career is officially done, I realize that if I had to choose between Iris and my ability to play ball, I’d choose Iris any day. And that scares me. Because football has always been my life. So if this woman has taken the top spot, it means that I have feelings for her. Huge feelings. Priority-shifting feelings.
The inconvenient truth is finally starting to sink in. My epiphany must be showing on my face because now Lexi is smiling softly instead of that menacing scowl that was in her expression just a few minutes ago. “Take some time to think about it. But not too long. And if you need anything, just shout.”
Cannon takes his wife by the shoulders and turns for the door. “Clean yourself up. Don’t make me come back in here,” he calls over his shoulder. “‘Cause I’ll be coming in with Walker and his power hose and it won’t be pretty.”
50
Iris
I’m still not sure I’m in the right headspace to be making business decisions but when Cannon and Lexi called to reschedule our meeting, I knew I couldn’t turn them down again.
My heart is broken and bleeding out into my chest…Big fucking deal. Life goes on, right?
Today, I put on a satin blouse and slacks under my heavy fall coat. It seemed important to make an effort at looking professional. I want my friends to know I take this opportunity seriously.
We met at Cannon’s office like the first time but halfway through the meeting, we started discussing suppliers. That’s when Lexi suggested that we drive over to Walker’s farm. From what my friend says, the oldest Kingston brother has expanded his floral offerings since the last time I visited his farm. Now, in addition to the orchids he was growing a few weeks ago, he’s also moved on to roses and lavender among other things.
“It’s true that the current owners of the flower shop have their own suppliers,” Cannon says as he turns off Park Bridge Road onto his family’s property, “but if I can manage to wrangle a better deal out of my brother, then that would be hugely beneficial to your bottom line, Iris.”
He and Lexi chat excitedly about what a deal like that would mean for my potential business. I listen distractedly from the backseat as Cannon pilots the car past his parents’ guesthouse. The closer we get to the farm, the more I can feel my body curling in on itself. I’m racked by anxiety that we’ll run into members of Jude’s family…or Jude himself.
My intuition is telling me to retreat, to run away. My subconscious says that, lurking on the horizon, there’s something big enough to swallow me whole.
It’s been days since I’ve seen him, heard his voice. I’m going insane. My pride will no longer allow me to ask Lexi for updates about his condition. I’ve stopped trying to call him. Two days ago, I sucked in a breath, charged into his empty room and packed up all his shit. I momentarily considered tossing it all onto my grill and setting it ablaze. I called Cannon over to come pick it up instead.
Because as much as Jude’s rejection hurt me, I still love him. I still want him. I still spend every night facedown in his bed, clenching his pillow and huffing his scent as I cry.
I never got this low over Kirk. But for Jude, I’m scraping the bottom with no hope of recovery in sight.
By the time Cannon is pulling up outside of one of the greenhouses, my intuition is squalling for me to retreat. But my self-protection must be on holiday right now. Because when Cannon parks and rounds the car to help Lexi ease onto the bumpy path, I hold my tongue and follow after them.
Walker and his workers move briskly across the lawn, transporting small pots of flowers and other supplies from the bed of a pickup truck into the greenhouse.
I notice the look he and Cannon share before the farmer instructs his workers to take their afternoon break.
“Iris, there’s some details I need to iron out with Cannon and Alexia,” Walker tells me. “But you can head inside and have a look at the new selection of flowers.”
With nothing further, my friends head off toward Walker’s truck.
My stomach is a tight ball as I step into the greenhouse but the fresh, sweet scent of flowers immediately puts me at ease.
I wade through a sea of orange sun star flowers before turning down a path of