have asked you over, and we’re here now anyway. I really want you to come up.”
“If you’re sure.”
“I’m sure.”
He unlocks the front door and leads me up a flight of steps. The hallway is dark, but it’s clean and well maintained. We reach his apartment and he quickly unlocks the door, ushering me into a surprisingly light and airy apartment. The walls are bare as I would have suspected because, let’s face it—Nathan doesn’t seem the type to spend time on decorating.
“It’s really nice in here. You get great light.”
“It’s all right.” He smirks. “Bedroom’s that way.” He points to a closed doorway. I take the hint and head through the door and into a decent sized bedroom with a queen-size bed in the center. He walks past me and takes a seat on the bed, gauging my reaction the same way I’m gauging his. I don’t know why there’s always so much electricity when I’m around him. He breaks the silence first.
“It’s not much, but it’s home. The bathroom is through that door,” he says pointing to the door on the right.
“It’s perfect.” I look around the room feeling the energy between us shifting; the significance of this moment, of him letting me in, is not lost on me. He looks up at me when I walk over to where he is. His eyes follow me as I crawl onto the bed and move past him, laying my head down on one of his pillows. His lips turn up in an amused smile and he follows me, taking a place next to me.
“Are we taking a nap?”
“Will you hold me?”
His eyes grow softer as he puts his arms around me and holds me close. We lay like this for a while, neither one of us saying anything but still saying so much. His hand lingers, running lazy circles along my back; my eyes close, reveling in his simple touch.
My eyes flutter open. “Can I tell you a secret?”
His lips on my forehead send a sense of warmth throughout me. “You can tell me anything.”
I run my fingers through his soft hair, loving the feel of it in my hand. “I don’t think my mother ever held me, not one single time.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I mean I’m sure she held me as a baby, but as far back as my memory goes, I don’t remember her holding me or hugging me. There weren’t any kisses or any I love you Victorias. I don’t even know what made me think of that.”
“I’ll hold you as long as you want.”
I snuggle closer into him, burying my face in the crook of his neck.
“Did she ever hurt you?”
I think about that question, about how to answer it honestly. Was there physical hurt, no, but to this day, I’m still dealing with the emotional impact.
“One way or another, she hurt me every single day, but if you’re asking if she hit me, then no. She never let any of her visitors touch me, either; I guess I should be grateful.”
“I don’t know if grateful is the right word.” There’s a hint of anger in his voice and it honestly makes me feel good that he would feel that strongly about my upbringing.
“Tell me about your childhood,” I say, hoping to lighten the mood a bit.
“My childhood was easy. I was lucky that way; my parents gave me everything. I played every sport imaginable, and they were proud of me for that. It wasn’t until after I got older that I became a disappointment.”
“How could anyone be disappointed in you?”
“They wanted me in a nice safe job. Something like banking or accounting, it didn’t really matter. When I went into the military, they were beside themselves, and when I didn’t re-enlist, they were relieved.”
“And now you are in security.”
“And they absolutely hate that too, but they still love me. They’re still great parents, and I’ve learned to live with the fact that they always wanted different for me.”
I sigh and think about what it would have been like for my mother to be disappointed by my choices or proud of my achievements.
“At least they loved you enough to care. My life would have been a lot different without my dad.”
“I’m glad you had him.”
“Me, too.”
No other words are spoken; they’re not needed. We lay there together until we both drift off to sleep, his exhaustion from having worked all night getting the best of him and my relaxed state getting the best of me. It’s a perfect