rested and satisfied in the way a man only felt after rambunctious, steamy sex. Okay, it hadn’t been all that rambunctious, but it had been a helluva ride. And Kelly had ridden him over the brink, astonishing him with her abandon.
Discovering that he was still able to please a woman in bed did more for Michael’s recovery than all the other therapy Kelly had provided. He’d needed not just the physical release, but the reassurance that his diminished agility hadn’t really reduced him to a shell of the man he’d once been, at least not in one important facet of his life. He’d known all along that his assumptions about himself were exaggerated and based on fear, not common sense, but until now he hadn’t been able to let go of them. Now, he thought, he was finally ready to move on, put his weaknesses into perspective and work to overcome them.
So what if he couldn’t scramble up the side of an enemy ship with the quickness of a cat? So what if he’d never again run at a sprinter’s pace? In time he would eventually be able to do most physical activities at a level equal to that of many civilians. And even now, when his first steps were still awkward and tortured, he’d been able to do the horizontal mambo in a more than satisfactory manner. If he could bring pleasure to Kelly—and himself—then complaining about the rest seemed pointless.
He had pleased her, too. There was no mistaking the flare of heat in her eyes, the soft moans of pleasure, the quick, urgent thrusts of her hips as they’d climbed higher and higher before tumbling together into a stormy sea of sensations.
He’d also read something else in her eyes, something he wasn’t entirely sure how to interpret, something that terrified him. While he’d been selfishly grabbing at the one act guaranteed to reassure him that he was still a man, he suspected Kelly had been turning her long-ago crush into a full-fledged love affair. Though what had just happened between them had been incredible—inevitable, even—he wasn’t quite ready to pin a label on it. He certainly wasn’t ready to build a future around it.
Okay, maybe he was jumping the gun. Maybe Kelly was no more anxious for marriage and commitment than he was. Maybe she was perfectly capable of handling a torrid affair that stemmed from all the restless heat simmering between them for weeks now.
He glanced over at her tousled hair, her rosy cheeks and innocent expression and muttered a curse under his breath. No way was this woman ready for a torrid, meaningless affair. No way did she deserve anything less than happily-ever-after. And deep down, in a place he’d been trying to avoid examining too closely, he wanted to give her that. He just wasn’t sure he could, not until he had answers to all the questions still burning in his gut.
Beyond passion and the promise of a pension from the navy, what did he really have to offer her? He was still only a shadow of his former self. Oh, he would be back on his feet, capable of walking more than a few feet, in a matter of weeks now, but what the devil was he going to do with himself then? More than most, he knew the value of having a profession that mattered, not for the money, but for the self-respect, something that despite the Havilceks’ best efforts had eluded him until he’d become a SEAL. How was he going to find that self-respect again in his altered world?
Up until now he’d been consumed with proving the doctors wrong and walking again. Now he was going to have to face the fact that the fight ahead to find a new role for himself was going to be just as challenging. And, unfortunately, this was one challenge Kelly couldn’t help him meet. He was going to have to face it squarely on his own.
He glanced down at her as she sighed and snuggled more tightly against him. At least now, though, he had a reason outside of his own ego to make something of his life. He’d desperately needed that motivating factor, probably in a way that wasn’t entirely smart or healthy. Bottom line, though, Kelly had given him a reason to move on.
As if she sensed his turmoil, Kelly turned restless, then slowly stretched and blinked before finally focusing on his face.
“Hi,” she murmured, reaching for the sheet as if she’d