box on top of the cupboard because even the sight of it reminds me of what an idiot I’ve been.
Whilst I’m staring at my phone screen, a message pings up. Is it her? No it’s Marge.
A little bird told me about you and Sophia. Just know this, matey, if you upset that girl, you’ll have me and the rest of the block to deal with. She’s an exceptional young woman and has been through enough crap lately without jerks with wives they’ve kept hidden in the woodwork. Watch your step, sonny. Marge.
What the heck? She’s even put an emoji with eyes peering to one side as though they’re looking at me. Is she for real? In any case who is this little bird? I haven’t told anyone except maybe Mavis but she’s a kind old soul. She would never tell Marge and in any case she’s been sympathetic. This is all I need, the vengeance of the neighbourhood. It’s not like I can even run away at the moment. As I’m fretting about this threatening message from Marge, another text comes in; loudly announcing its arrival and making me jump.
Hear you might not have anyone to do your shopping now. Do let me know if you’d like any extras. I’m only just across the way. I can be right there in seconds, Anna xx
For goodness’ sake, with neighbours like these, I think the prime minister should increase the social distancing rules to twenty metres just to be on the safe side.
I look at myself in the mirror, to see tufts of hair beginning to grow back and dark shadows under my eyes. Man, I need to pull myself together and sort my life out. Grabbing a banana and some soya yoghurt with honey (it’s natural so must be healthy) I sit at my laptop and start to trawl through college courses simultaneously spooning in a large mouthful. Erm yeah, I’d rather eat my sugar-laden bad-for-you box of cereal. Manfully I swallow down as much of my healthy breakfast as I can.
The course I’ve found at the local college, only half an hour away, looks great. The college is renowned for its ‘pioneering work in chiropractic and sports massage’ and has a course I would love. If only I can get in, that is. I’m going to have to give my CV an overhaul. I’m just reading a hideously outdated version I did before I went to Greece when my phone rings.
‘Hi, Sam,’ I say.
‘It isn’t Sam, it’s Tina. I was just calling for a chat.’
‘Oh – hi, Tina.’ I am surprised I must admit, as although I get on well with her and we often might have a quick chat on one of Sam’s FaceTime calls, I don’t remember the last time she actually phoned me. ‘How’s Carrie?’
‘Gorgeous, she’s really smiling now and she’s so aware of what’s going on all the time. It’s a bit sad, but sometimes I just sit and gaze at her because I can’t believe she’s here.’
‘I can understand that,’ I say. ‘It is miraculous.’
‘She is exhausting though! But now she’s nearly going four hours between feeds at night some of the time.’ This still sounds like some kind of torture to me, but I decide it’s probably best not to say anything.
‘Wow I knew you’d soon get her trained, all those episodes of Supernanny you watched paid off!’
‘She’s a bit young for that yet.’ Tina laughs. ‘But she loves singing and music. You’ll have to play your guitar to her again later – she went straight to sleep during your performance the other night.’
‘Doesn’t bode well for our balcony music night coming up – mind you, it might help people who are struggling with insomnia!’
Tina laughs again. ‘Speaking of balconies, is everything okay with you and Sophia?’
Oh for goodness’ sake, I might as well put out a press release or get a megaphone and shout it from my balcony. ‘Does everyone know about this?’ I ask.
‘I don’t know. Just Sam said you had been really down and I wondered if it was to do with Sophia.’
‘You don’t miss anything do you? Is that what you call feminine intuition?’
‘Yep, that’s the one and it’s usually pretty accurate. Am I right or am I right?’
I sigh heavily. ‘Okay, I give up, you’re right. I messed things up with Sophia.’
‘I can’t believe you have. What did you do? Hang on, wait a minute.’ I can hear little Carrie crying in the background. ‘Sam?’ she calls. ‘Can you