it either.
[Group][Solace]: Even though I’m not a girl?
Having sort of committed, Drew felt a bit panicky. What if he was actually completely ungay? What if, after all this, Solace (Kit) turned out to be a munter just like Tinuviel had said? What if this was completely unworkable in every possible way?
[Group][Orcarella]: I dont know.
[Group][Orcarella]: I’m sorry i just
[Group][Orcarella]: it’s always been girls before.
[Group][Orcarella]: like only three of them
[Group][Orcarella]: but still
[Group][Solace]: Okay.
[Group][Solace]: Look. It’s pretty simple for me.
[Group][Solace]: I’ve always known I liked boys.
[Group][Solace]: In principle at least.
[Group][Solace]: I’m still looking for one to like in practice :)
[Group][Solace]: And I know I could just go out to a club or something and find one.
[Group][Solace]: But that’s not what I’m looking for.
[Group][Solace]: But I don’t think it would be good for me if the first boy I had this connection with was just . . . well . . . trying me on.
[Group][Orcarella]: :(
[Group][Orcarella]: i’m not trying you on
[Group][Orcarella]: i just want you to know where i’m coming from
[Group][Orcarella]: i’ve never thought about this stuff before
[Group][Orcarella]: and i’ve no idea if i’m gay or bi or straight or what
[Group][Orcarella]: I just know i like
[Group][Orcarella]: you
[Group][Solace]: I like you too. I really like you.
[Group][Solace]: But I can’t talk you into being bisexual
[Group][Orcarella]: i’m not asking you to
[Group][Orcarella]: i’m just really messed up right now
[Group][Solace]: Sorry Drew
[Group][Solace]: Is there anything I can do to make this better
[Group][Orcarella]: nfc
[Group][Orcarella]: i guess i just need some time
[Group][Orcarella]: is that okay
[Group][Solace]: Of course
[Group][Solace]: I’d still like to hang out with you
[Group][Solace]: Even if you don’t
[Group][Solace]: I mean you know
[Group][Solace]: Just as friends
[Group][Solace]: I mean if you still want to
[Group][Solace]: But I get it if you don’t
Part of Drew—a big part of Drew—wanted to say, No way, you made me look like a prick and now I’m having a total crisis and it’s all your fault. Except then he realised it wouldn’t be particularly satisfying. And also it wasn’t true. Well, he was having a crisis and it was sort of Kit’s fault, but none of this would have happened if he hadn’t genuinely liked the guy. Or liked Solace. And probably that was the same thing. On the other hand, he didn’t want to be all like, Oh, it’s fine, no probs, because that wasn’t true either.
Time was passing and the chat window was empty. And an empty chat window could be one of the scariest things on the internet sometimes. However mixed up he felt about Kit right now, he didn’t want to just leave him hanging. If it had been the other way round, he wasn’t sure he’d have the balls to put himself out there like that and risk getting shot down by a guy he knew was pissed off at him.
[Group][Orcarella]: let me think about it
[Group][Orcarella]: sorry that sounds shit
[Group][Orcarella]: it just
[Group][Orcarella]: i just
[Group][Orcarella]: i think id better go
Drew’s heart was beating way too fast as he logged off. He couldn’t tell whether that had gone fine or terribly. Nor had it miraculously cleared up the “Do I fancy guys or this guy?” question.
It was late, but he’d spent most of the day in bed, so he didn’t really feel like going back there. Normally, this would be when he’d log into HoL. Except he’d just logged out of HoL.
He booted up Steam and browsed his library listlessly.
Then it occurred to him he could roll an alt, so he logged into HoL again. Unfortunately the second name on his character list was the medusa he’d rolled to play with Kit.
He shut the game down in an attack of feels.
Which brought him back to his Steam library. He didn’t have masses of spare cash, but there’d been enough flash sales and Humble Bundles that he managed to rack up a collection of just over a hundred games. And he basically didn’t want to play any of them.
In the end he settled for X-Com. He’d stalled out on his Ironman Enemy Within playthrough about eighteen months ago. Loading it up, it was incredibly disorientating to realise he’d named his squad after a bunch of his mates from school—people he basically hadn’t thought about, bar the occasional Facebook message, for the best part of a year.
It would’ve been too weird to go back, so he started a new game. He honestly wasn’t all that enthusiastic, but he just wanted something to take his mind off . . . everything. It worked for a little while, letting him fall into a comfortable strategy rhythm of move, overwatch,