forever, but that would have made him a total dick. It wasn’t the guild’s fault that he’d broken the first rule of the internet because he was trying to challenge sexist stereotypes. And also because he’d . . . really liked someone. Who happened to be a boy IRL.
But it wasn’t just about Solace. He’d been getting on really well with the guild. They were good people, and he was having fun with them. He was even enjoying raiding again for the first time in what felt like forever. Except he didn’t know how he was supposed to stick around now. Maybe Solace hadn’t been deliberately making a fool out of him, but that was basically what he’d done.
The raid . . . well . . . the raid happened. It went about as well as it could have done with only two melee DPS, two diabolists, a storm-specced OT, and a main tank who was really pissed off with the raid leader. Half the time, he couldn’t decide whether he wanted to yell or lie down and cry. Everyone else seemed to be having a good time, which basically made everything worse. It wasn’t like Drew wanted to ruin everyone’s evening, but it would have been comforting to know he had the option. And he couldn’t say anything because he’d be the one left looking like a desperate pillock.
On top of all that—to really rub it in— Solace turned out to be a pretty good raid leader. He wasn’t like any RL Drew had ever run with before. Morag was firm but fair, and the officers in Annihilation had been basically merciless, but Solace was just kind of Solace. He was softly-spoken and gentle and unfailingly polite, but somehow you ended up wanting to do better.
Even when you were absolutely hating the guy.
Under different circumstances, it would have been a really positive experience. There was something reassuring about Solace’s voice in his headphones, calling alerts and directing strats. He was actually really on the ball, and a couple of times managed to switch strategies midfight, which saved them from screwups Drew was pretty sure would have caused wipes otherwise.
And he healed too.
Drew got sadder and sadder as the evening went on.
[Ialdir] whispers: you okay?
[Ialdir] whispers: you seem quiet
To [Ialdir]: just tired
They called it before Vilicus, because it was getting late and they weren’t entirely sure they had the right raid comp, but people seemed to agree it had gone well. While everyone was saying their good-byes, Drew teleported to the City of Stars, intending to log out immediately and hide under his duvet for the next million years.
[Solace] whispers: Um, are you okay?
Drew stared blankly at the tell, wondering what on earth he was supposed to say.
To [Solace]: not really no
[Solace] whispers: um
[Solace] whispers: you thought I was a girl, didn’t you?
[Solace] whispers: That’s why you were so nice to me
To [Solace]: don’t want to talk about this
He logged out, turned off his computer, and crawled into bed. Where he lay in a weird nonspace, kind of wanting to cry but not being able to, and kind of wanting to sleep but not being able to. His thoughts had got snarled up and stuck, and he couldn’t unsnarl them or unstick them. Because Solace had sort of been right and sort of been wrong. Drew hadn’t only spent time with Solace because he thought he was a girl. He genuinely liked the time they’d had together. But, the fact remained, it probably wouldn’t have gone that far if there hadn’t been at least the possibility that Solace would turn out be this hot geeky chick who, for whatever reason, was totally into him.
And now it felt like he’d lost everything: a friend, the chance of whatever he thought there was a chance of, Solace.
With all that buzzing around in his head, he didn’t know what time he got to sleep, but when his phone alarm went off, he silenced it and stuck his head back under the pillow. He really didn’t feel like doing anything today. He sort of dozed his way to midday, but then he reached that awkward point of needing the toilet more than he needed to wallow in misery.
So he slid out of bed, pulled on a pair of pyjama bottoms, and shuffled down the corridor to the communal bathrooms.
The effort sapped what remained of his spirit, so he went back to bed. Eventually, though, he got bored of staring at the ceiling and feeling