fail him - or yourself."
She was silent for several minutes as her breathing slowed. "The day I found out I was pregnant, I was amazed to discover that I was already in love with him."
Feeling him rubbing her back, she exhaled quietly. "Even as much as I loved you, it was different. It was this instantaneous need to do whatever I had to do to protect and care for him."
"And you did, Nat. You did protect him."
Nathalie snuggled in closer to him, her shivering beginning to abate from his warmth. She could hear his heart beating and pressed her ear closer as though the rhythm of it would steady her.
"I'm afraid to meet Jack," she admitted.
Still softly stroking her back, Eric pressed another kiss to her head. "Why?"
"Because....because he should hate me. He should hate me for abandoning him. How...how will I ever explain any of this to him?"
"Do you love him Nathalie?"
Sharply sucking in a breath, she nodded. "God Eric, more than anything. There's a hole in my heart from missing him." And you she thought, though not ready to repeat her admission of love.
"Then that's why he won't hate you" he rationalized. "Nathalie, he's going to have questions and you'll - we'll - do our best to answer them. But he will know after a minute in your presence that his Mom still loves him and that will be enough to get him through the rest. And you," he added.
"How have you explained my absence?" she asked softly.
"That you loved him very much but were unable to be with him because you were helping people."
Tears filled her eyes at the generosity of that statement. "Thank you." She whispered as quickly wiped the tears away. "I know a seven year old has a limited grasp on biology but did he question why his mother was gone but he was living with his father?"
Silence enveloped them for far too long at her question. "Eric?" she queried as she raised up to meet his gaze. The sheer pain on his face took her breath away. "Baby?" she asked urgently as she framed his face with her hands.
"Jack..um," he paused to clear his throat. "Jack doesn't know I'm his father."
"What?" she gasped. "Why?"
"Oh, Nat," he whispered as he pressed his forehead to hers. "All I ever wanted was to love you forever. How'd this get so complicated?"
"What's the line? Life is what happens when you make other plans?" she smiled ruefully as she settled back against sensing that this time he needed the comfort.
"Sarah really was sure that you were going to come back in a few weeks. In the interim she wanted me to be with Jack but wanted to protect you at the same time. In her mind, it would be in Jack's best interest to have me in his life but in your best interest for no one to know I was his father."
Nathalie digested that information for several minutes as all of the arguments she had constructed for leaving eight years ago came back into the forefront. Did he feel trapped by being a father? Did he want an easy way out if the commitment got to be too much?
"And you agreed to this?" she asked evenly.
"Yeah." He said gruffly. "I did.. But not for the reasons you think."
"Did you become a mind reader while I was away?" she asked softly.
She had wasted so much time - and so much love- in making wrong assumptions. She was determined not to do it again.
"I am a brain surgeon," he said with a smile in his voice. "And I used to know you really well."
"Yeah, you did."
Nathalie had learned that people had to be willing to reveal their secrets and tell their truths in their own time. As much as she wanted to know why Eric had agreed to keep Jack's paternity a secret, she needed him to be willing to trust her to reveal the truth on his own terms.
An intimate silence again enveloped them as she wound her arms around Eric's waist in a silent show of support.
"At first," Eric's deep voice finally pierced the silence, "I was in shock. Sarah presents this infant to me with no warning. I had so many emotions at war when I first met him - fear, awe, anger."
Nathalie's heart ached when she contrasted the joy and love she felt the first time she met their son with his pain and betrayal.
"Once I got used to the fact I was a father,