I begin.
“Shh, it’s okay. It’s just a panic attack. You’re safe. Just breathe. I’ll get the key.” He steadies me on my feet and drops his head so he can look in my eyes. “You okay?”
I nod, and he smiles before leaving me to fetch the key. It was right there on his desk. I could have looked and opened the door. Instead, I freaked out.
“You have experience with women acting out and trying to flee?” I joke to lighten the mood, but it doesn’t work. I’m embarrassed and know I have the rose blush to prove it.
“Women don’t flee me, Antonia. Usually they’re the ones locking themselves in.” He grins and I relax a little. “My brother suffers anxiety attacks.”
“You have a brother?”
How did I not know this? Because I haven’t bothered to ask him, to get to know the man behind the crude banter. Shame joins the sorrow and fear inside my chest.
“Yeah, an older brother. He’s not around much. Spent some time in the army.” He nods his head like that’s explanation enough.
“I needed to pee. I’m sorry I fell asleep.” I shrug, biting my bottom lip.
“It’s fine. You needed the sleep. I only locked the door so the cleaners didn’t come in and wake you. They get here early.”
My breath hitches. “What time is it?”
Lifting his wrist, he checks his watch and his eyes widen. “Shit, it’s after nine.”
“Nine?” I ask in disbelief. I slept over six hours. “Can I have Dan’s number now?”
“Sure.” He grins, and it lights his eyes. I can see at this moment why all the women want him. He’s cute when he’s not a douche.
Handing me his cell, the number is already being called, so I place it to my ear and give him an awkward half smile, trying to gain some space by walking over to the corner of the room. He nods his head, getting the hint that I want some privacy. He unlocks the door and exits through it.
“Hello?” Dan’s voice groans down the line.
“Did I wake you?”
There’s a pause. “Who is this?”
“It’s Antonia. I’m using Gav’s cell. I’ve lost mine.”
“Oh, shit. Hey, why you are calling me before midday? You know I’m in a band, right?” he quips. There’s some groaning and movement, crackling the connection, and then he speaks again. “I’m up.”
“I’m sorry I woke you, I just need to reach James. Are you guys on the road?” A pit opens in my stomach at the thought of speaking to him.
“Nope. We’re supposed to be. Me and the others came here together, but James had something he had to do and is expected to be meeting us out here.”
“Where are you?”
“Stateside again. We’re recording, and our manager is losing his shit over James not being here. We can’t really do much without him. Do you know what’s going on with him?”
Voices carry in the background calling for Dan. He shushes them and waits for my reply. “No, I don’t know. I just needed to ask him something.”
“Okay, well if you hear from him, tell him to get his arse here.”
“Dan,” I bark before he can hang up.
“Yeah?”
“I know this will sound stupid, but… does James have a brother?”
“What? No, you know he doesn’t.” A laugh rings down the line “You okay, Ton?”
“Yeah.” I reflect his laugh “Ignore me.”
“Okay. Take care of yourself.”
The line dies, and I don’t feel any less confused. Surely we would know about a brother. Was this person lying?
Gavin returns with a mug of coffee, which he offers me, and I gratefully devour it. “Any luck sorting out what’s bothering you?”
“Not really. Do you think someone can keep a secret from everyone they care about and never slip up or want to tell them?”
“Is this about what Fin thinks about Gaby and me?” His brow dips low.
“No. No, sorry.”
“We’re not, you know?” He pins me with his eyes. “It was horrible hearing that and having your whole world turn on its axis. Who just blurts shit like that out? Do you know how long he thought that?”
My mind is scrambling for answers for him, but I can hardly reflect on what he’s saying because I’m still too consumed with my own troubles.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t put you on the spot like that.” He leaves my space and takes a seat at his desk. “It’s just frustrating as hell when Fin won’t talk about it, and Gaby is avoiding me, him, and the whole fucking situation.”
“She will need time. Just give her the space