cardholder?”
She shakes her head vehemently. “No. It’s unethical.”
I pull my wallet from my pocket and thumb through some of the bills, removing a hundred and placing it on the bench. “How about now?”
“I’m not sure if I’d even have it.” She shrugs.
Thumbing another hundred and placing it on top of the first, I ask, “And now?”
Her weak hand swipes the money, and she smiles. “Let me check.”
I can’t go back inside straight away. James is her ex. This is a taunt. She’s been so much like her old self lately and this will plunge her backwards if she finds out this was James. It’s annoying not being able to get hold of Finlay because I don’t know how to handle the situation. Fuck it, there’s no way I’m going to tell her. Tapping out a quick text to Fin, I make my way back inside.
Some flowers came. If Antonia asks you before we speak, just say they’re from you. Call me.
As soon as I walk through the door, I’m bombarded with questions, but Antonia is nowhere to be seen.
“Where is she?”
“She went into the bathroom and hasn’t come out yet.”
“Everyone should give her some space. Go over to my apartment and I’ll make sure she’s okay.”
Mary grabs my wrist before she follows everyone out. “Who were they from?”
Patting her hand to offer some comfort and calm, I lie. “Fin. The florist fucked up the message.”
She studies me for a silent few seconds. “What was the message supposed to say?” She’s testing me.
I plaster a wicked grin on my face. “The roses were supposed to be pink and the message should have said, reminds me of the color of your skin when you blush with me inside you.”
She licks her lips and nods her head. “Okay. Hot.” And then she leaves me alone to try and pry Antonia from the bathroom.
“I’m okay, Gavin. Honest,” she calls through the door after I’ve knocked three times.
“A misunderstanding at the florist is all it was. Please come out.”
The latch on the door clicks and it slowly opens. “I feel stupid,” she murmurs through the space she’s created.
Grabbing her wrist, I tug her from the bathroom and clasp my arms around her. “Don’t. It was a really shitty fuck up.”
Her laugh is muffled against my chest. It’s a laugh or cry moment for her, and if I could get my hands on James, I’d throttle the bastard. She sniffles and pulls away, scrubbing her hands over her face.
“That ruined breakfast.” She shrugs. “There’s always lunch?”
She smiles and goes in her room to fetch her cell phone. “I’m going to make an appointment with Dr. Evans.”
“That’s a good idea. It helps to talk. I’ll give you some privacy.”
Before I can leave, she stops me. “Gav, thanks for being here for me.”
“Anytime and always.”
EVERYTHING INSIDE ME STOPPED and terror and rage fought for control inside my chest. My insides coiled and my lungs squeezed until air became non-existent. Gavin coaxed me from the bathroom and had spoken with Finlay. It was just a mistake, but everything I’d managed to push away came flooding back in like a tsunami, knocking me off my feet and washing me away into the sea of darkness once more. Just when I get any semblance of normalcy back in my life, there’s something that comes along to jerk me out of it.
Dr Evans had an opening this afternoon. I should have already been seeing her but keep putting it off.
It’s hard to admit that you need help for mental health, but I do. Living with past trauma takes work, strength, and willpower to keep on breathing, trying, wanting, living.
Coming out of my apartment, I find Gavin waiting for me.
“Hey.”
“Did you get an appointment?” he asks.
“Yeah, but I have class first.” I thought about blowing class off, but I’ve missed too many already.
“Okay, well I’m free all day, so I’ll drive you.”
A frown creeps over my face. “And do what while I’m in class?”
“I’ll get coffee. It’ll be fine.”
“You don’t have to babysit me.”
“It’s not babysitting, it’s hanging out and making sure someone I care about gets to where she needs to be.”
I hold my car keys to show him I can get where I need to be. Not needing the sleeping pills from the doctor this last week means I can drive myself places again.
Snatching them from my fingers, he slips them into his pocket.
“Gavin!” I snap.
“Just shut up and let me take you,” he says, before leaning forward and throwing me