been so angry with God for taking Ryan, then Colt when we’d just gotten Maisie in the clear, for taking him at all.”
“Me, too.”
“But then I was looking out at the lake, and I had this thought. Maybe he was always supposed to go. Maybe they both were. If Ryan hadn’t died, maybe you would have come to visit, but you wouldn’t have stayed. It wasn’t in your nature back then.”
Beckett didn’t speak, simply gave me a small nod and waited for me to continue.
“But he did die. And you came. And you saved Maisie with the treatments, and you saved Colt’s heart by being here when I couldn’t. You made his every wish come true, and you taught him such incredible things. Because of you, he wasn’t lonely. Because of you, he was doubly loved. I’m realizing that fate would have taken him whether or not you’d been here. Whether or not Ryan had lived, or Maisie had died. But without you, he would have been alone. No one else could have found him, could have given him the peace you did. Without you, I would have buried both of my children.”
His mouth pressed into a line as he struggled to maintain control. “I couldn’t save him. I would have given my own life if it meant he could be here with you. I’ve saved every child since…” He swallowed and looked away.
“With every call, you’re trying to repent for a sin you didn’t knowingly commit. I see your face every time you find a child.”
“But I couldn’t save yours. Couldn’t save my own. How can you forgive me for that?”
“Because there’s nothing to forgive.”
The girls laughed as they ran through the snow, heading toward the tree house.
“You think?”
I took one look at Emma, her smile bright as she helped Maisie up the ladder.
“I know.” Warmth raced through my chest. “Maybe you couldn’t save the little boy who was always meant to go, but you saved her by teaching Colt.” I motioned toward Emma.
Beckett’s jaw flexed. “Fate, you think?”
“Fate,” I answered. “And maybe it’s not true for everyone, but it can be my truth. That’s enough for me.”
He pressed his chilled lips to my forehead. “I love you. I will always love you.”
I rose on my toes and pressed my lips to his in a gentle kiss. “I love you. Now, forever. All of it.”
Yes, I was capable of immense grief, but I was also capable of infinite love. And I would love my life again. Maybe not today, but one day. Because I wasn’t done yet.
Life was short. Colt taught me that.
Life was worth fighting for. Maisie taught me that.
Letters could change your life. Ryan taught me that.
Love—when it was right—was enough to save you. Beckett taught me that every single day. And ours was more than enough.
And so was I.
Epilogue
Maisie
I dropped a bag of M&M’s on the grass and tore open mine.
“Guess what?” I asked my brother. “Not going to ask? Fine, be like that. It’s like you’re going all teenager a few months early or something. It’s been five years. You know what that means?”
I popped an M&M into my mouth and chewed.
“It means I’m still cancer-free. It means my risk of relapse is like…nothing. It means we win. But it means it’s going to be a while until I see you. Remember when we made that deal? The night I got so sick? The one where you said if I died, you’d die, too, so we’d never be alone?”
I ran my hand over his stone, tracing the letters of his name.
“I broke it. I just didn’t know I was breaking it. I always thought the cancer would come back and hold up my end of the bargain. But it didn’t. And I hope you’re not mad. Because life is okay. I mean, Rory is nuts. Our little sister is full-blown squirrel. Yesterday, she jumped the banister to the landing. I thought Mom was going to have a cow. And Brandon is such a good baby, so sweet and cuddly, and Havoc doesn’t even mind when he tugs on her ears. And Emma and I have plans for next weekend, nothing big, but you know…plans. Mom and Dad are good. They still get all kissy in the kitchen when they think no one’s looking. Kinda gross, but they’re happy.”
I reached the final letter of his name and sighed.
“Five years. And I still miss you all the time. Well, not all the time, since there’s a bunch of times I feel like you’re with me. But yeah, I miss you. Everyone does. But I’m going to have to break our promise, and I know how to make it up to you: I’m just going to have to be twice as awesome and live for the both of us. Okay?”
I stood up and grabbed the extra bag of M&M’s so Mom didn’t freak when she came out later.
“Just do me a favor. Hang around. Because I’m definitely going to need some help being that awesome if I have to make up for you being gone. I miss you, Colt.”
I kissed my fingers and pressed them to his name, the same way Mom always did. Then I got in the boat and rowed back across the lake.
As of today, my future was wide open.
The cancer wasn’t coming back.
I was going to live, and so was Colt—because I always carried him with me. Some bonds couldn’t be broken.
“Maisie!” Dad called from the porch as I tied the boat off at the dock we’d built a couple of years ago. “You want to head out with me?”
“Yep!” I answered.
I didn’t ask him where to; if Dad was headed somewhere, I was in. Because Colt would have been, and I had a promise to keep.
Twice the awesome.
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