high priestess and she cursed me. I’ve killed…many. Solely because I cared too much. The curse causes a sickness that, once it reaches a certain stage, can’t be reversed.”
Kost’s face went cold. Silence stretched between us until Ozias cleared his throat. “How do you manage with the guild? With us?”
My smile was brittle. “Precariously.”
“Gods. That’s awful.” Calem stopped pacing and gripped the back of the armchair. “But what does that have to do with Leena? It’s not like you love her.”
I could’ve sworn someone gut-punched Kost from the way he looked at me. I fought to say words that didn’t want to come out. “I don’t.” Not yet. But now there was a line. A line between interest and something deeper, and it was entirely too visible.
Calem’s face blanched. “Does she love you? Gods, Noc. Sorry. I didn’t know.”
My heart did an irrational flutter at the thought. “No. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. Unrequited love won’t get her killed. Only my feelings have the death sentence attached to them. That’s how it happened before.”
Ozias’s heavy-lidded gaze—his compassion—pierced my heart. “Who were they?”
I shook my head. The truth was, I didn’t know how many I’d killed. Amira and Bowen, definitely. But how many more had I condemned to death? The war caused by Amira’s passing had lasted ten long years. And for ten years, I’d watched my closest brethren die, chalking it up to a plague common in the trenches. They’d all gone the same way: the darkening eyes. Chapped skin. Blood-riddled cough. Fever. Death.
There were too many to count. My parents were only spared because the priestess was bound to protect the throne. She safeguarded them from the curse to fulfill her duty. But Leena… “I just… I can’t kill her. Not when it feels like I’m killing them all over again. Whether it’s the curse or the bounty, she doesn’t deserve it.”
After feeling Leena curled in sleep beside me, I knew she had the potential to be something more. That fire in her soul was too real. Too beguiling. I would never get the chance to know for sure, never let myself go beyond cool detachment, but at least I could spare her.
Calem pivoted, facing me with a stricken look in his eyes. “So we let her live.”
“Only if we all agree.” I glanced at Kost. He was entirely still, but his silence was somehow louder and more demanding than any of Calem’s outbursts. “Well?”
“We can still kill her.” Kost stared at the floor, fingers twitching. “If her death bothered you that much, you could always bring her back.”
“Out of the question.” It was hard to keep my voice steady. As the guild master, I could raise her. Intermingling my blood with hers would reverse the flow of time, restoring function to her organs and heart. But what would that do to her? Would she lose her beasts? Would she balk at the cold realities of our existence and turn her back on me?
That would be the better of the two options. Because if she stayed, if she forgave me and remained at Cruor, she’d be an unending source of temptation, and I wasn’t sure I’d be strong enough to resist. One slipup. One error, and then she would die again—this time at my hand, and without the ability to be reborn. I couldn’t raise what I’d already brought back from death.
I released a heavy sigh and stared at Kost. He refused to meet my gaze. “We should have killed her the moment she stepped into Cruor.” Calem hissed at Kost’s words, but I shook my head once to keep him in place.
“Kost has seen everything. The way I was before you two joined. He may be brash, but he’s just protecting me.” Standing, I propped my arms against the back of the couch. “If I have to honor the oath, I will. For the guild.”
“What, and have you miserable for all eternity? How is that a fair thing to ask of us?” Kost finally looked at me, no fight left in his eyes. “We need a plan. If you get yourself killed in the process, none of this even matters.”
“She had me on her side from the start.” Ozias shrugged. “But I never would have stood against you.”
Calem nodded, slumping into his chair. “Same.”
Gratitude swelled in my chest, and I fought to keep my breathing normal. “Thank you.”
Ozias rubbed the back of his neck. “And Leena?”
I stared at them for a long moment. “Leena has a job