should have given more thought to what a relationship with Zack would mean before I ever stepped foot on this bus. If I would have been thinking clearly and not listening to Mia, I never would have come. And none of this would be happening.
I jump when I hear the door to my room fly open and Zack walks in. Sweating, and panting. His hair is flying in a dozen directions and his eyes hold a feral look in them.
“I’m not letting you walk away from me. Whatever you’re afraid of, whatever you’re scared to let go of; let me help you.” He stomps to me and pulls me into his arms before I can protest. I immediately breathe him in, loving the way the smell of sweat and his soap still lingers on him.
“You can’t help this, Zack. This is your life and I don’t think I can be a part of it.”
He pulls back from me but doesn’t let me go. “You already are. Me and you. I know you feel what’s going on between us. All the rest doesn’t matter.”
Me and you. They flood my mind like a waterfall. Why couldn’t we have declared these things days ago? Would it change anything now? “You don’t understand…”
“Then tell me. Tell me what it is that is so scary, so terrifying to you, that it’s more important than what you feel for me because I know you feel it.” He pulls me back to him, instantly pressing his lips to mine. His lips are warm and frenzied against mine, it’s the most forceful, passionate kiss we’ve shared yet and as much as I want to fight against it at first, my body betrays me and leans in, wanting it. Because I do want it. His lips move against mine, begging me to open for him, and when I do, a quiet moan escapes through the back of my throat. He pulls away, instantly stopping the kiss, leaving me completely breathless.
“Tell me that when you’re this close to me, when you feel my heart beating in my chest and feel my arms wrapped around you that you don’t want me; that you’re not falling in love with me. Because I am, Nicole. I’m completely falling head over heels in love with you.”
I freeze at his admission. He’s just admitted to me what I admitted to myself just hours earlier. I remind myself it’s not about loving him, it’s about living with his life.
“I can’t live the rest of my life under scrutiny; being photographed for simply stepping out in public. How would this work, anyway? We live half a country away from one another and your gone most of the time anyway. What kind of relationship would we ever have?”
I know some of this isn’t fair. I knew who he was and what he did when I decided to step on his tour bus. But I never thought it would get this far, that I would fall so deeply and madly in love with this man. He’s perfect; absolutely perfect and can so easily brush aside all the other things, but I can’t. I just can’t.
“I can’t wake up every morning in fear that I’ll be on the front page of some paper again. That my name will be cursed through the blogosphere and I’ll be cut down by thousands, millions of women who want nothing more than to see me fall off the face of the earth.”
“Stay. Please. We can figure the rest out.” His eyes are pleading with me. Begging me to change my mind, but I just can’t. My knees buckle at the word please. I want to give in. That one word has done me in so many times since I’ve met him. It’s the pleading to stay and make him happy that I want it so badly; to just be happy. But I don’t see how that can happen here. There’s no other way for this to end.
I throw the last of my bathroom things in my bag, zip it close and carry it to the bed where my other bag is already packed. I glance out the window and see the cab that I called earlier, pull up.
Slowly, I walk back to Zack, and with all the self-control I can muster, I rise up on my toes and plant one soft kiss on his cheek. He moves to reach me, but I move out of the way before he can.