in and curl into his arms and ignore it all, but I can’t. I don’t see another way.
I shake my head. “Go give your concert, Zack. They need you.” I pull away from him and pick up my laptop practically sprinting out of the room. I don’t stop walking when he yells my name once I’m out of the room or when Mia chases me down the hall.
She finally stops me at the doorway leaving the building. “Don’t do this, Nic. You know you’ll regret it if you leave him. I know everything is happening so fast, but take some time. Take a few hours and think about this. You’re crazy about him. And anyone who sees the way he looks at you can see the same thing.”
“I can’t Mia. You know how hard that was for me. I can’t go through it again!” I’m desperate for her to understand. She’s always been on my side with everything else that has happened. Why doesn’t she get this?
Mia crosses her arms and purses her lips. “I think you’re more scared of a new relationship and you’re using this one picture as an excuse.”
I stomp my foot and shake my head. “It’s not that. You know what happened. You know what will happen once my name gets out. For crying out loud, I had national reporters calling me! I don’t want to relive it, Mia.” I forcefully wipe away more tears with the back of my hand, desperate to get out of here.
“I’ve seen you with Zack and I love seeing you smiling, laughing, and being ‘you’ again. It’s been almost a year and a half, Nic. I know there’s no time limit on grieving a spouse, but you’re certainly not rushing into anything here, and Zack’s a great guy.”
“I know. I know he is, Mia. And…” I stop myself from confessing the realization I had earlier. If I tell her I’m falling in love with him she’ll never let me walk out the door. “I don’t see how this could possibly work out, anyway. I was going home in ten days. What sort of future is there with us living so far apart, such different lives?”
“It’s whatever you make it. You’ve been through enough to know there aren’t any guarantees; even with someone living in the same town, or the same house as you.” I inhale sharply at her pointed words. Never has she been so blunt with me. “I’m not trying to hurt you. You’re my best friend and I love you. But I also don’t want to watch you run from something that’s really great, just because you’re afraid of something that hasn’t happened.”
“Go watch the concert, Mia. I’m going to the bus. I just need to think. And pack.”
She pulls my face towards her. “Think. But don’t pack. Not until you can talk to Zack.”
I nod, but I do it only because I just need to be alone. I have to go home.
Chapter Twelve
I throw myself down on the bed as soon as I get back to the bus and sob until I have no tears left to shed. I am falling in love with Zack, and I’m leaving him. It sounds ridiculous and stupid to my own ears, but I know it’s the safest choice; the best choice for me. I’d lose him anyway, eventually.
I have to go. But even while I think the words to myself, my heart is breaking in two. I never would have thought I’d be able to fall in love again. Even when I thought about dating, love had never entered my mind. Companionship, friendship, respect; absolutely, but never love. I have loved once. I had the pleasure of falling in love with one of the most amazing men I ever met when I was introduced to Mark. And now there’s Zack who’s been capturing my heart with every moment we spend together and I love him, in an entirely completely different way than I loved Mark. But it’s still there, and has been growing since I met him. If I hadn’t fallen in love with Mark at first sight, I wouldn’t even think it’s possible to have these emotions so quickly, and so deeply. But they’re here.
And I’m walking away from it.
I question briefly, if Mia is right. Am I running just because I’m afraid of a new relationship? I shake my head at myself in the bathroom as I pack up all my toiletries. That’s not it at all. I