that I felt helpless because I couldn't cure my youngest son."
"You can't blame Paul's illness for your infidelity."
"I know. I realized that after I'd crossed a line I never should have crossed. I made a vow then to be a better husband. Your mother and I worked on our marriage. We rebuilt it. We came back together, and we became stronger than we were. You just weren't around to see that part."
"I couldn't be around. I didn't want to look at you. I didn't want to watch you deceive my mother."
"It wasn't like that, Jake," his father said, shaking his head. "I've always loved your mother. I just made some horrible decisions. The cheating was bad enough but bringing you in on it was even worse."
"Making that promise to you drove me to make my own mistake. That night I bailed on Hannah. I abandoned her on the night of the prom. I got drunk and had sex with another girl and everyone knew. I hurt and humiliated Hannah because I was so caught up in a world of pain and I couldn't tell anyone."
"She told me that you'd cheated on her," his father said slowly. "But I didn't know it was that same night."
"I was out of my mind, and I wanted to escape. That decision ended Hannah and me."
"Maybe she would have forgiven you if you'd stuck around."
"If I'd stayed, I would have told her your secret, because I told her everything. I couldn't have kept it from her. I had to leave."
"But now you want to tell her," his father said heavily. "You want to get back together, isn't that right?"
"Yes," he admitted. "Hannah knows I've been holding something back all this time. And she can't trust me if I don't open up to her. I'm not going to tell Mom; I'm just going to tell Hannah. But I won't ask her to keep it a secret. I don't know if she'll tell Mom or if she'll want to protect you. I suspect she'll probably choose the latter, because you're her mentor, and she has tremendous respect and loyalty for you."
"I doubt that will continue after she hears what you have to say."
"Maybe not, but I've kept your secret long enough. If you've truly rebuilt your marriage with Mom, then you should tell her. And you should tell Paul."
"It would destroy them."
"I guess it's always been easier just to destroy me."
His father sucked in a quick breath as the knife went deep. "It has never been easy. You probably don't believe that, but it's true. I am sorry, Jake."
"Are you? I've never seen any evidence of that."
"I didn't know how to fix it. You were gone before I could figure that out, and you stayed away for a long time. I kept thinking one day we'd talk it out, but the days and the years kept passing."
"Wasn't it easier for you that I was gone? The only person who knew your dirty little secret wasn't around to blow your life up."
"It wasn't easy. I missed my son. And your mother missed you even more. She'd cry when you didn't come home for the holidays. That's when we started opening up our Christmas dinners to extended family and friends. It helped her get through the day without you. When you came back, she was unbelievably happy, but she still hates that you and I don't get along."
"And does she ask you why?"
"She's asked me many times, and I always tell her the same thing—that I let you down, I wasn't there for you, and you can't forgive me."
"You've never thought about telling her the truth?"
"I've thought about it a thousand times, but I'm afraid I'll lose her if I do. I love her, Jake. I always have. What we went through with Paul tested us in ways you don't understand, because you weren't a parent. You saw it through the eyes of a sibling. It was different for you than for us. And I'm sad to say that I failed the test. But I did try to do better after that. I've tried to make your mom and Paul as happy as I can. And I'd like the opportunity to make things up to you."
It hurt to know that his dad was willing to put everyone else in the family over him, but at least he was being honest for the first time in a long time. And he could be honest, too.
"I've never wanted to tell Mom