and wondering what it was that kept you from risking it in the first place. And I know that no matter what you get in life you’re always going to have to pay a price for it, so you’d better make damn sure whatever you end up with is worth the cost.” And while I’m unloading… “And I know we don’t know each other as well as we could have if I hadn’t wasted all this time hiding away from the world, but for me to have a chance to know you better and to see where we could end up would be so totally worth breaking the bank for. If that’s not how Micah feels about you, then I think you’re making a mistake. You’re definitely not getting your money’s worth… and he’s ending up with a fortune.” Whoa. I did not expect to be that eloquent.
I guess I can pitch the word cloud now.
I stunned her into silence. Whether it was good or bad, I couldn’t tell at first. Then she did a little unloading of her own.
It was definitely not a good silence.
“You little jerk… how dare you come back and lay all this on me now? You couldn’t say anything that day – not that you were happy for me, not that you hated the whole idea. I told you I wanted to change my mind for you and you walked away.”
I had no idea it had affected her that much. “I said I was wrong for that; I should have stuck around and told you exactly how I felt instead of just leaving.”
She kept the fire under me. “You’re damn right you should have. And now you’ve got this whole script that you recite to me like I’m supposed to change everything in my life because you think I deserve more? Who the hell are you to tell me what I deserve?”
This wasn’t going anything like I thought it would.
I had a feeling it was too late to move my bearded lady.
“You’re kidding me. I just poured out my heart and my soul right in front of you because I want us to be something, Chloe – I want us to be everything – and you don’t like the way I said it?”
She looked so much sadder than I had imagined she would by this point in our conversation. “How do you know what you want with me? You hardly even know me.”
“I know enough. This isn’t something I’m just saying to you on a whim. I’ve had a lot of time to think about it. So have you. And I’m pretty sure you feel the same way, or you never would have left your desk.”
After that brilliant display, I felt foolishly confident that I had convinced her that we deserved a chance, and I was ready now to take that chance. Though it had taken much longer than intended, the ball was now completely in her court. And then she stood up, and said, “I should get back, then. Good luck, Joe; I hope things work out for you.” And she left the café. I just sat there like an idiot, wondering how I had misjudged the situation in such a major way. How could I have been so wrong about what I thought was going to be a slam dunk?
I didn’t even make the backboard.
More than that, I had finally come up against something that made being a vampire look insignificant. Not the way I had intended to gain perspective – and not the perspective I wanted to gain at all – but again, someone else had their own corner to look around. Clearly, she didn’t see what I saw on the other side. Our back-and-forth was effectively over at that moment. And to think, the unexpected ending came in the exact location where I had daydreamed our magnificent beginning would take place.
As much as I hate to admit it, I think it’s time to let go of the dream.
POST 38
Reboot
In trying to put Chloe behind me, I’ve been wondering if I haven’t deluded myself about the vampire stuff being at the root of my troubles. There was obviously something preventing me from moving forward from Girl No. 2 well before I ended up on my group date with Don, the Maker of Young White Ghouls. It’s hard to blame my being struck with what is essentially an otherworldly illness for making me afraid to follow through on our workplace wordplay tease, or